Crazy bitch goes CRAZY

Lucy finally went bat shit this eve - little did ya know that lying about having a dead child would be the tip of the iceberg.

K, for my bitches away from home, the actual story:
Picture sexy mac swaddled Dolores coming come, walking in the door or her apartment to find demented Lucy had done a bit of redecoration. These home improvements included a big red heart, presumably drawn in lipstick or marker and not her own excrement. In it pictures were of Dorores and her 3 dead family members mingled in with pictures of Lucy, and the words Lucy Molloy, dead and Mum written all over the place. Lucy then goes on to keep referring to Dolores as Mum. She then gave us, well, fuck all insight to the rest of the back story:
Her mother was leaving her father, so she killed her mother in a car crash. She screamed for 3 hours and was sent to a loony bin. She came out of the loony bin and bucked Harry. She fell in love with Harry and he killed himself. She then became obsessed with Dolores, and to get closer to her started ridin Dolores' son and making sure Dolores had no one else in her life other than her.
Then it was all crazy shenanigan's. She showed Dolores a scrap book that creeped the fuck out of me - full of pictures of her and Dolores, loads of them with Dolores' face scribbled out, and one of Dolores asleep. I was creeped out, entertained really. Then I realised that in some of the pics she was wearing the same jumper she was wearing at that moment and I realised I was watchin Fair City..............
Oh and fuck you RTE with your deceptive photos! It looked like Lucy was properly going to go after Dolores with a pair of knitting needles but it wasn't NEARLY a fucking dramatic as that - the bastards.

An older pic of the crazy cunt - but fitting none the less

And through all this poor gobshite Wayne is still in love with her. The desperate arsehole.

That seems to be the end of Lucy for the minute - no doubt she'll be back.

The rest of the storylines have basically halted for the moment - same shit different day. Everyday is the same. I think they thought "Hey! We're onto something here let's keep writing about Lucy" - "What about the others?" "Arra fuck them, no one will notice! Well I did ye cocks - stop fucking about and write a bit!

EVERY fucking day this shit happens
#Louis and Ingrid flirt and ride. Ingrid and Carol row. Louis and Bob row. Bob and Renee revisit old times. Renee talks about wines and gets her crepe'ey rack out. Louis looks like Justin Beiber.
The only change there is that Carol's hair get's slightly more crazy every day
#Meave gets pissed off with Dermotsch being a boring fuck, and Dermot acts the boring fuck. Sometime soon I guess they are going to have a boring fuck
#Orla babysits for Dermotsch and wears a green coat
#Neasa talks about getting new acts for the station but decides on nothing


There is a new storyline coming up which I expect involves a FC favourite - badly acted and scripted gangland storylines!!! YAY. They're bring floppy fucker Eddie into it this time, not just the Bishop family. Floppy fucker annoys my gee........

INTERVENTION

Lucy is great. I mean REALLY great. After agreeing to arrange a meeting with her (non-existant) daughter - she kept Dolores and Wayne waiting an hour and a half, looking at each other in the kitchen.
How did she get herself outta that one?
Well, by pretending her phone was on silent, then picking it up and acting out a phone call which cumulated with a dead daughter. Yup, dead in a car crash. This was then followed by a load of shite about oh boo hoo dead daughter, must go to the funeral alone shite. Bitch is epically crazy.......

Wayne is a serious bell end. WHO in their right mind would want to continue in a relationship in which the girl is obsessed with their mother, has boned their father and who lies constantly - even about dead kids? Wayne, clearly. He is either seriously desperate for a partner or that girl's vagina is paved in gold and studded in diamonds.


They had a great intervention today. First, Irish people don't fucking do interventions. Second, if you ARE gonna America it up - surely this particular style would be frowned upon? Aren't interventions meant to be about caring and helping, as opposed to screaming at the basket case? Followed by the 3 people she hates most in the world sloping out into the living room and shouting at her some more? Mental heath, just a bitta craic lads.

My highlight was Lucy saying to Dolores: "I swear on your dead children that I slept with Harry and I had his child" Things escalated quickly there.......

Was also pretty funny that Dolores and Pete were shocked that she lied about her mother being dead. They were actually shocked - after the rape allegations, physically beating herself up to accuse Pete, the dead daughter, they still managed to be shocked!


Dermotsch and Meave. Well, good look with that one Meave. Not if his cock had the alcohol content of tequila and tasted of chocolate would I go there, but each to their own. Roll on inevitable incompatibility due to their different personalities, Ben taking their relationship bad and the return of Jo.......

Carols crazy hair - Da FUK? Run a brush through that shit. Also - you might want to throw a glance over to your fiance who is now regularly swinging it up Ingrid. (His cock that is......)


I think someone with a filthy mind may have infiltrated the Fair City script writers, brilliant one liners, and hilarious moments from this evening:

• "You're supposed to taste it not guzzle it" Renee pretending she was talking about wine to Orla. Bitch please - cock talk.

• Crazy happy drunk druggy having a glass of blood. A blink and you'll miss it kind of moment - but it looks like some drunk demented college student got a job as an extra. His job was to pick up 2 glasses from the counter at the hungry pig (glasses of blood, hopefully not real - a Halloween special in the Hungry Pig) and fucker could NOT have been happier about it, was like watchin a retard have an orgasm, on Christmas morning after winning the lotto - next time easy up on the yolks buddy. Then again, I think I would find it difficult to contain myself either........

• "I'm just here to have my blood sucked" Meave, on her reasons for being in Dermotcsh's house. Considering the reason the WAS there was to get the shift and the ride, dirty dirty writers!

• "Fill me up!!!" Renee to Bob - I mean, there are no words.........

PREVIEW:

Knitting needles, attacking Dolores with knitting needles. Of course. Love Dolores here - don't bother your hole moving. Just put your hands to your face. That'll save ya. and for the love of FUCK - TAKE. OFF. THE. FUCKING. COAT. You're in your own house ya dopey cunt.........

Amazing...........

Lucy, crazy, crazy Lucy

I'm not gonna lie - I fucking LOVE the Lucy storyline. Absolutely fucking love it.

The plot - Lucy turns up in Carrigstown about a year ago at this stage, if not more, with tales of how she can now see thanks to getting poor little dead Jessica's eyeballz. She proceeds to kinda con Delores out of money. But then comes back to pay her back. Eventually.

She returns only to want to bone Damian. When her and Damian didn't work out she eventually gave into Wayne's desperate begging for the ride.

In the meantime bitch gets crazy in love with Delores. In the freakiest way - completely obsessed with her. At one stage calls her mam. She then does her utmost to get rid of anyone who might pose a threat to her and Delores. Pete and Laura mainly. Highlights of her most recent crazy:

•  found out as having carnal knowledge of Harry Molloy. And yet Wayne still wants to buck her. Nice, nice and SEXY. At least Delores realised she was a lying wank at this stage. She'll be lubing herself up for Pete again soon I suspect

THE PHOTO
This is meant to be a picture of 2 people in the middle of a lusty affair. Fuck - that's hot. Should probably censor that shit. And as my friends pointed out - who the fuck took the pic? And WHY are they posing like that? "Hey, random stranger! Please take a pic of me and my sexy middle aged lover? THANKS - Oh WAIT, let us pose first :)" Excellent! Great pic of us looking like we're about to slit our wrists." 
There is also the possibility that this is a picture of her giving him a wank - look at it again......... 

• Tells everyone that she had a child with Harry. A child that she had to give away. Called Deirdre Moran or something. In my head Deirdre, had she been real, would have looked like Quagmire! 
• Tells everyone that lesbian social worker Emily raped her. Cause she is so credible one more won't hurt. 

And through all this Wayne is still with her. Wayne, this woman rode your auld lad. Like, she actually sat on his dick, maybe played with his balls a bit - I don't know, I wasn't there - but she did ride him. You sick, sick, sick ginger freak.

And I have read the spoilers - shit goes DOWN next week. If the pics are anything to go by, knitting needles would be MY weapon of choice too ya crazy, mad cunt.

AND DELORES FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK WILL YA TAKE OFF THE MAC. It's like the bitch is fucking attached to that coat! At least fucking wash it ya filthy whore.

Lucy is kind of taking over everything but ELSEWHERE:

AFFAIRS OF THE GENITAL KIND:

Judith and her brother in law, Blackie Connors, will they, won't they? I think this is meant to be a will they won't they have an affair kinda storyline BUT it might be a will they won't they have a staring contest storyline instead. I swear these too live by the 'if you can't act just make your eyes a bulgy as fuck' school of acting.

Shocker of the century - Dermotsch is gonna bone Ben's teacher. They are REALLY playing up the whole free spirit thing with this beure. All about her being sporadic, crazy and free. Think she's meant to be bring Dermotsch out of his shell, but if I have to watch either of them dance their way in or out of a scene.........

And Louis is having an affair with his over bronzed ex wife. Again - another shocker. His hair really makes me laugh. I'd say he spends more time blowdrying that mess. His eyes creep me out too. And his nose. He looks like Justin Beiber after a few too many hard living years. 

LAURA'S LESBIANISM

Ah Laura, ya big lesian. I don't mean this in a homophobic way - I mean it in a for fuck sake Fair City can you not just let her be a lesbian (i.e. fancy and ride girls) and not make her ACT lesbian ALL.THE.TIME. 

HEY - LESBIAN HERE!WATCH HER ACT LIKE A LESBIAN. WE ARE SO DOWN WITH THE LESBIANS. YAY, NO HOMOPHOBIA HERE!!! GO LESBIANS!

FLOPPY FUCKER EDDIE

Who is this day and age has curtains? THIS BASTARDO:

Floppy fucker Eddie describing the first time he played with Leo's balls to an enthralled, and aroused, Decco

End of the week in FC

The best actor on Fair City is: RUTH! I hate one Brennan child and adore the other (Again, fuck you Rachel ya gimpy Billy Barry whore) Little Ruth, being 2, can't actually act (wait, I'm talking about Fair City....) What she does is fuck about and annoy the actors. A drama which is already clutching at straws should not have employed such an hilarious child. Examples of Ruth:
Sitting on Cass's knee and SHOVELLING tayto in her mouth. Cass tries to move it away from her n the little bitch starts roaring for her mother
Constant ad libbing - some of this is kinda cute, people leave and she'll say bye to them etc, other times it's hilarious 0 during one scene she was impatiently jumping on Niamh's knees pointing and shoulting 'I want that' The actors are really being challanged, not only have they to 'act' but they constantly have entertain her too - loving your style!

So Keet, Finn and Keet's big head mole are gone travelling. For some reason Keet and Keet's mole weren't going to go, as both Keet and Keet's massive head mole considered themselves too old for travelling. Even though Keet AND Keet's mole were of a perfectly acceptable age to fuck off to Italy fixing cars a couple months ago? Anyway, as is the Fair City way, the decision for Keet and his mole to fuck off was decided at roughly 2pm and they were gone by 6pm. Cause that's just how people live their lives.

And then there is this whole Finn and Neasa thing. Again, typical of FC - they build up a storyline for MONTHS only for it to deflate as fast as a lad thinking of getting orally stimulated by Bela as Bob watched and fapped. The will they won't they crap finished with a bit of banging and him insisting that he must frig off travelling with Keet's mole, and Keet. Ultimate hump n dump? SUCH a soppy goodbye outta them too. 'This has been the best week of my life!!!!' Poor dead Turlough is doing wheelies in his wheelchair accessible grave over that one Neasa!!!!

Also, Keet has CLEARLY been hitting the sunbed - I think he may be trying to kill Keet's mole.........

I now know way too much about Wayne's sex life and penis and sperm. More than I ever wished to know, which in fairness, was nothing. Loopy, rubber lips Lucy has dealt what she presumed was her trump card (or 'bump card', if you will, dum dum TISH.........., christ that was hideous.......) and decided to play on the whole 'I'm PREGGO ACCEPT ME INTO YOUR FAMILY' thing. Only problem being that floppy haired Wayne is shooting out some floppy sperm, and can't have kids

How did Wayne find this out? Well, he was tested. Why was he tested? Had be been trying for kids with a previous partner? That would be a reasonable answer, especially if the one asking this question was your mother. But alas, Wayne's answer was 'You get tested if your trying to sell your sperm' Excellent, Wayne was trying to sell his sperm. What kind of disgusting, horrific abomination is that. There could have been, hypothetically, some poor unsuspecting woman out there squeezing Wayne Molloy Jnr out her beef curtains. Nice. Although, come to think about it, this would have been Harry Molloy's grandchild. I cab get in on this - I imagine the child would have popped out wearing a black beany with a perfectly groomed moustache......

But surely Wayne should have lied to his mother about the spunk donor thing - the thought of him greedily counting his money in a post wank bliss is not comfortable viewing.

The best thing about Irish TV is that actors crop up that remind you of your past. Blacky Connor's is the perfect example. One time traveller, and Biddy bedder, Connor's is now playing the part of Tommy's brother. I hear Glenroe every time I see him. Especially since he has the most sinister stare in the world. When he stares I imagine the screen closing in on his scary starey eyes, and the them of Glenroe playing menacingly in the background - similar to a Jaws scenario
And the perfect compliment to his starey eyes? Judith's dopey eyes. Also, remember Upwardly mobile? She was great in that....

ROUND UP

ROUNDUP

• Dermot has lost some amount of weight. No explanation, no nothing. Just stopped being a fat bastard. Here's hoping it's for an upcoming sex scence!!!! SPEAKING of Dermot and sex scenes:

• WORST sex talk in history on TV tonight

Dermot: You're not sick after my HOT cousine? (YES, the tool pronounced it hot)
Meave: No, but I WAS kept up all last night
Dermot: There is nothing worse than a sleepless night.........(long pause)
Meave: I really (VERY emphasised that one, closed eyes and all) enjoyed myself last night
Dermot: Did you get that curry stain off your shirt? ( I'd see a doctor if I was you Dermy :o, should NEVER be brown.........)
Random foster child: You should try a Sunday Roast, they're always great (Little WHORE joining in on them, inviting herself for a spit roast, doesn't she know what the spit roast is soooooooooo last year - it's all about the Eiffel Tower these days. Just imagine that..........)

• NOBODY has ever taken an adoption as badly as poor old Finn. No adoption story has ever been so badly told either. I think the writers wrote the whole background story etc, and forgot that they never actually filmed or showed it. He went straight from shouting UBER dramatically at Moley headed Keet 'YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER' to having met his adopted mother. Eh, HOW did you find out you were adopted? How did you go straight from Ireland to New York and find your real mother? No years of searching NOTHING? I know sometimes you find out it's a small world - but that's when you meet your neighbour abroad in Spain, NOT when you randomly meet the woman who birthed you, while on holiday. Tip of the shittily planned out cap to you again Fair City

• They are really trying to play Renee off as a real 'go getter' these days. Tit's out, arms gesturing, roots done, hangbag held like a briefcase. Looked like bone city there for her n Bob, but it turns out Bob can no longer get it up for anything other than revenge, after the nasty go he had at her in the Bistro I doubt he'll be fiddling with the buttons of her manky MANKY 80's power suits.

• THINGS TO PONDER:

Louis's hair - Justin Beiber's real father?

Ingrid's bronzer and highlighter - fuck me, they really do geunderstand glamour on FC..........

Carol LOVING saying 'wha' at the end of a sentence. Sweetheart you do NOT need to remind of us your skanger roots, the big mauldy tinker head on ya does that for us.

AND FINALLY

• I have a feeling Fair City might have gotten itself in a bit of bother........ You really CAN'T use the phrase 'fighting like tinkers' now that gyppos are oh so popular!! They'll be heaving themselves from the halting sites, reality T.V camera's in tow to get revenge on that one!  Plus, tinks are FOREVER having brawls at free wine tastings, one of their favourites - up there with scraps during high tea and a few leisurely thumps while watching the tennis..........

Travelleher's rites is humin rites, boss.

I have a LOAD of unpublished drafts - the amount of time I write something and it just sounds shite is astonishing, but what I WOULD like to do is take a part writtin draft and update it to what is happening now: (Black is the update, blue is the old shit)




When the whole husband batings were going on Susanne decided to fuck off to England (lasted all of 5 mmins) But before she did she decided to get rid of some momentos and what did this Box of memories hold?

• My first communion prayerbook) 
• Portfolio pic of Damian's Dad 

So, the Damian and Suzanne saga continues. As fucking always, Fair City like to really drag out their storylines.
After months of batings and hilariousness - the Halpins have finally broken up properly. Bitch even moved to London.
Just. Like. THAT.
Ah, I know if I was living somewhere my whole life, and owned a business there. Yup, outta the blue I'd just fuck off to London. No planning. I'd just buy the ticket in the morning, burn a few "things I was keeping for when we were old" in the afternoon, then fly out in the evening.
And as for the "things I was keeping for when we were old"
1. Surely - you just mean you were keeping important shit? Like you not ACTUALLY going to stop yourself and Damian from even looking at the shiz till yer suitably old????
2. Suzanne you're a flute
3. WHY would anyone in their right mind save their First Holy prayer book? Really. - You N Damian were meant to sit together in yer old age and pull that one out? Riiiight...
4. You're a tool
She also kept a picture of Damian's father - you know the one who killed their mother. She probably only kept it cause he was her inspiration while she was mad into the domestic violence. Also, the pic was clearly the actor's promo pic - a little trick Fair City like to pull, I mean, who would go to the expense of
Who would have thought that in the meantime Suzanne would come back (well we all knew that one) and get humped by a little armed Thalidomide fanny shit of Esthers??

No offense to poor little Christy - but I think we all knew that Crusty Crotch Carrol would feck off to penis' new one time or another. She has her eyes set on Luscious Louis, well, more her fanny than her eyes, and it is LOVE. Imeegetly, it is lurve. Starry eyed lovers, slow-motion staring over the Guinness pump, quick fiddles in  the cellar - have you ever noticed, cellars only exist on TV for illicit shenanigans???
As Christy plans the perfect wedding, the other two are bucking all over the shop. Well, the shop, the pub, the Hungry Pig. WHY can only Louis own businesses in the town??
Well, it was to be love eh. And another one which resulted in pregnancy.

I had also written a note about somebody slapping Keet on the big moley head OH how I wish I could remember!
And a GREAT pic I found on boards.ie!!!!!!! 

Quiffs, pornos and epileptics!

Carol is making a hard play to keep her man. For all of you out there who want to know how to keep the spark alive in a relationship spanning a whole year - here are her top "keeping yo man" tips.

1. Put in a massive quiff  (Yes, QUIFF). I suppose the height of the hair is supposed to remind your man of the height of his erection - so get em up girls.......
2. Chew gum. There is nothing sexier than a slack jawed, slurping, middle aged skanger. She likes to keep her mouth fresh for the fellatio, working the jaw muscles at all times. Remember to slurp it it as you speak! (The gum AND the cum)
3. Face painting. As much eyeliner as possible, LOADS of blusher and you just go ahead and paint a lovely red circle around that blow job apparatus you call a mouth. Draws attention to the mouth. Your dirty, dirty, whorish mouth..........
4. Spread them whenever, where ever. If you can get him to bone that quiff outta your hair on the couch in the middle of the afternoon - you do that. 

Louis, Bob, Ingrid, Renee, Carol - this whole thing, eugh, I don't know. The story is Louis and Bob hate each other. Bob and Renee might get back together. Carol and Ingrid hate each other because Carol knows Ingrid has the horn for Louis and, well, Ingrid has the horn for Louis. Also, that Ingrid wears an unholy amount of highligher and bronzer..........

REALLY glad Renee is back. Sad that she started doing her roots. REALLY REALLY glad that she is back selling wines. That is exactly the same thing Bob was doing a few years ago - you watch, she'll be trying to sell Bulgarian apartments followed by a brief stint as a homeless person and the newest owner of the Hungry Pig with a crazy need for revenge against Louis. Sometimes I think FC should be called Deja Vu.......... 

Delores is the most reactive actress ever. Every line that she is not saying she reacts to - her favourite moves are the eyebrow raise/lip pout combo and the lip bite. She's like a one woman mime. She's gone into over drive with the whole Lucy situation - she looks like an epileptic playing video games, under a fluorescent light in a club.

And as for poor, demented, crazy jaws Lucy. So revelation of the week - it wasn't her who had to cornea transplant - it was her mother!!! Dun, dun duuuuuuuun!! Her defence is that she never actually said that she was the one who received the transplant. Oh how I wish I could watch look back and see if this is true. I may be wrong here but I am calling bullshit on that one. Bitch SAID he had the transplant, I'm sure of it! But instead of, you know, bothering their holes with previous episodes - they are gonna just go ahead and say she never said it, because, you know, fuck it. Although I may be wrong - Fair City is the ULTIMATE in long, drawn out storylines.

Alsom Dermotsch is FAR too open with his son - Ben wants to stay up late and Dermotsch's reason to not let him is "Daddy time" "Daddy time is when Daddy might want to watch a more grown up movie" We ALL know what that means Dermot! Ya DURT. You should not be telling your 6 year old child this. Maybe his imagination doesn't yet conjure up images of Dermot having a posh wank on the couch while watching Dude, Where' my Dildo, The Dark Knob Rises  or his personal favourite, Mary Popitintheanus - but it will!

Cass

Move over 50 Shades of Grey - the most erotic words ever written were brought to life on last week.

Picture the scene:

Fearing for his life, undergoing a string of complicated cardiac tests, the sexgod that is Cass is finally told that he will have to have an angiogram.

Now add Marks n Spensers music.......

'We insert a catheter through your groin' 

Ohhh, yeah........

'Someone will be up to shave you' 

THAT'S the stuff.......... There is no image more divine than the thought of  Cass having his little balleens shaved. mmmmmmmm. Also, said balleens are tantalisingly close to being on show - in his sexy little nightgown. Not enough people wear nightgowns, but thankfully Cass the clothes horse is doing all he can for the cause. Cass is both a clothes horse and HUNG like a horse. True story - you can see his bell end swinging just below the bottom of his nightgown. 

Lucy is balls out crazy. Basically everyone who speaks to Delores is on her hit list. Neil's turn now. I'm not sure what she is trying to achieve, but she is trying to get Rachel Brennan to perv on him, and then telling people that he was smoking joints in front of the kids. Pretending she's getting prank calls and getting Bob in on her lies. The thing is - get the fuck oooonnnn with it already. Fair City just love slow burners like this. It's already going on and on and on and on and on and on. So far Lucy is getting on great in her quest - whatever the fuck it is. Obviously she's obsessed with Delores - but IS it in a tuna bumpin way? Is it for the want of mothering? Does she just love being a weirdo? The fuck?

Then, it turns out that Charlotte only acts like an asshole because no one fancies her. Eh, then stop being so fucking ugly! Also, you're basically a pack of gyppos, find an attractive cousin like any good mink and be done with it. Other news - I think she is sterile, this is the kind of thing Darwin wrote about, this is for the greater good. I am not usually in the corner for childhood cancer - but in this case GO CANCER!!  

JOE'S back!!!! I love her and I have missed her dearly. It also means that we get more screen time with the delightful little gobshite that is their son. This is a kid who is fast losing their kid cuteness, but still playing a really young child. The little tardo wants the parents to get back together. When what I really want is for Dermtsch to get that svelte new figure out there and let the primary teacher sit on it! 

THALIDOMIDE MAN TO THE RESCUE

DAMN - I miss David :(

I KNOW HER!!!

Just realised I can see loads of shit on my blogger wall about who reads this shite (shame on you all) and for some reason this page is the one people most read, for whatever reason, google searched and the like I suppose, - which is disappointing as it's one of the shittiest. Read Any of the newer stuff or HERE or THIS or even THAT. Thank's for reading though....... 



Ben's primary school teacher. I know her..........

Well, I know OF her - she is from Ballina and her sister taught me for 3 years in primary school. 

Fair City is now a kind of parallel universe to my very own life. Clearly I am Ben, only the opposite. He's a boy, I'm a girl. He's fair haired, I'm dark. He is a child, I am an adult. He's an annoying little fuckwit with a part time job as a McDonalds eating Daddy's boy. I am an, eh...... unannoying fuckwit, with a full-time job, and eh k I have to work on the details.......... I'm hoping the opposites stop when Ben's teacher starts riding Ben's dad.

Louis kids and ex wife have now moved to Carrigstown. Fine American accents on them. They went to all the hassle to pick kids which actually do look like they could have grown up in America - only to give them big buffer accents. Also, those kids love complaining.

And for realz, do we still fucking have to listen to the whole Louis/Bob feud. Cause it's more than fucking boring. We get it, we get it, you hate each other. Now fuck off the pair of ye. Except Bob, he's hilarious when he's acting the bollox, I just don't get why it only has to be toward Louis these days. Fucking heartbreaking that is.

Lucy is becoming a bigger freak by the minute - she has succeeded in running Pete away. It's obvious that Delores is changing her mind about her. Delores is the kind of actress who clearly reads a few pages ahead in a script - and likes to show whats coming next (Ah, remember when she was foaming at the "Australian mouth" for Fr. Thaddeaus? Fist biting little missy........... She's like a spoiler alert all by herself that one)

Bitches be CRAZY......

Sadly watching Fair City is taking a backseat due to my new job. But when I do get to watch it I am REALLY enjoying the utter shite they are sharting out there. Let's start with the whole 'women are psycho' thing. There are a few too many crazy bitches rolling round. The 2 main ones are Charlotte and Lucy.

Lucy, Wayne's anorexic, feltch-mouthed girlfriend. First, her introduction is fucked up. She has Jessica Molloy's freaking eyes. Yes - she was given Jessica's cornea's after the toddler died tragically due to a yolks related mishap. Fucking toddler druggies - the worst kind, ya wake up in the morning liga crumbs all over the shop, nappies thrown to the side from them and their random druggy baby lovers, soothers chewed down to nubs......

So she has Jessica's eyes - what's the most obvious next step? A heartfelt letter thanking the mother of the donor? Maybe, just not snazzy enough! A meeting with the donor family? Almost!!! I KNOW - LET'S FUCKING MOVE IN! In fairness, Delores is to Carrigstown as Irene is to Summer Bay, and is well known in her young girl hoarding exploits, but sure SHE can see the fucking oddness of this. I know someone who had a transplant, and well, let's just say there is no way in hell I can see him packing up his bags and landing on the door of the donors family saying 'HONEY I'M HOME'

But she did. Now, forgive me if I'm wrong ( I have missed a lot) but is her only 'dark past' that she spent some time in a mental home? You'll have to work a BIT harder Fair City. Do you KNOW how many people have spent time in space cadet camp? LOTS. Only the other day I was waiting on my lift from work only to have an elderly man in a pair of slippers scream at me from across the street. He was looking for Declan - I was not Declan, hope Declan turned up. Aw, I just realised Declan is totally dead........ 

And it's just not explained well either. Why is she with Wayne even though she never liked him at first and was creaming over Damian. Is it to get closer to Delores? And if that is the case......WHY?!?! you creepy fucker? I mean, we all know that Delores has an unmissable sexual prowess, hell I've often fantasised about some day seductively locking the door to the charity shop and just getting down right lesbionic on a second hand chaise longue but CONTROL yourself woman! In keeping with her Delores obsession, Lucy has now decided she hates Olly Murs Pete. I'd watch out Olly Murs  Pete!!! She could ruin your failing pop career  thriving handiman business with her loony ways!!!!

If I had to pick between Damian and Wayne like Lucy did I'd wonder who I'd chose? Voluptuous, hands in the pocket-shuffling Damian, or floppy haired, does the voiceovers for everything on the radio Wayne? Think I'd have a Waymian sandwish, wonder where Damian puts his hands when he has no pockets? 

The other psycho is Charlotte. Now we all know that teenagers are cunts. It's in their nature. All they do is be cunts, act like gobshites, complain, hump each other, have spots and get drunk. ( SO glad I'm no longer a teenager, my life has come a long way............) Well this one is the cuntiest of cunts. They are kind of depicting a kind of teenage girl relationship which DOES exist (2 friends who actually hate each other but are 'best friends') But neither actress seem to pull it off. All the scenes for the teenagers smack ( OH YEAH, going hibrow here!) of a a group of writers who really haven't a clue about teenagers. A case if 'let's put them in going out clothes, give them fake ID's and send them to a party. that's what the young 'uns do right?'. No thought for the fact that they went to a party in one of the busiest pubs in town. No thought for the fact that they were sat in a pub where the STAFF knew them. No thought for the fact that Greham's hair was ENOUGH to get them barred for life?

 

Not many haircuts need 2 pictures to show their glory. It's like mullet that got lost. Fucking idiot. This hair actually offends me. This little twat bag wants people's eyes raped every time we view him. It's in fact so offensive that it took me a few views to realise that he was even ginger - AHHHHHH Now I see what you did there Greham! DISTRACT THEM - A gingers best ally!! Still, Greham, fuck you.

Charlotte and Rachel have now moved on to the 'sexual awakening', 'bush lushing', 'fucking annoying' stage of puberty. I know I have in the past alluded to the fact that it would be hilarious for Rachel and Charlies grandson to bone - but that was only funny when they were 12. She is 16/17 now and salami sitting is a possibility. Except for the fact that you can TELL the actress is a little bit mortified in case people think she really is a bit of a smelly hooker child. 

But how is Charlotte a freek?

•  Charlotte pipped Rachel to the cock, and had a good auld go of Greham first. Wonder if he styles his pubes in the same way??? The little tramp of an actress basically admitted to giving him a blow job. Rachel giggled (cause she didn't know it was studly Greham), while you could see the actress who played her die a little inside, safe in the knowledge that her granny would be watching later..........
• She is part of the Bishop gang. Things like being part of a terrorist style kidnap/interrogation of Caoimhe Dillon. (Was great! Bag on the head, arms tied up, little bit of water torture - granny in the background, just like they do it in Iraq........)
• Kind of being in love with Paul there for a while - although, who can blame her? I mean we all love eggs, who DOESN'T love a man with an egg shaped head?
• Being a devious little shit constantly working in the background to ruin Rachel's happiness, out of sheer jealousy.

What is to happen to the two crazy bitches? I would predict, but fuck you Fair City I could also see them completely forgetting about their craziness altogether.............

Duh DAAAAAAA

Never have I hated a teenager as much as I do Rachel Brennan, I mean Christina Ricci came close enough when she got the ghoul in Casper, but no, Rachel takes the biscuit.

Reasons? Oh, I'll give you reasons

Her Billy Barry demeanour - The most kickable face in the world. Scrunched, caring and thoroughly fucking sickening. Her voice - okay SERIOUSLY beure - pick an accent - skanger or D4. Do NOT go between them - you are NOT Charlie, and don't think your ever going to replace him in all his beaver moistening splendour.

EVER

Her fucking love of people/the planet - look your a teenager, you are meant to be sharing fags between 8 people and getting fingered by lanky, spotty lads in lanes, you are not meant to be up all night making Christmas fucking baubles for dead beures.You are meant to hold grudges for endless amounts of time, you are not meant to be a benevolent beacon of righteousness.

Stop being a self righteous little prick and act like a teenager. 

You little cunt.......

Speaking of benevolent beacons of righteousness - remember when Barry killed Sarah and Paul and Niamh found it in their hearts to reach out and forgive him - to be his hope in bad times? They showed such strength of character to be able to see through the crime, and really see the man.

BUT SHOPLIFTING - OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO YOU DIDN"T

Clearly, there is no crime more heinous, no deceit more unforgivable, no evil more complete than a shoplifter. Oh Orla - you evil bastard, I mean if you had KILLED some one - we'd all understand, but this. FOR SHAME

And it's not just the droolsome twosome leaving 5 fingered discount Orla to wallow in her self made bed of LIES - this one os losing friends left right and centre.

Clearly shopfliting is to crime as cunt is to the English language............