Wednesday 22 January 2014

Old times, rapey love and schrawmy eyes

Fair City is shite these days. And not shite in the normal way, shite acting and story lines cumulating in hilarity. It's shite. No crazy storyline going on, nathin.

I miss the good old days when people got penis cancer all the time. When Floyd was riding his sister. When they visited pissy pants Rita in the nursing home - an actor so bad, that even in Fair City she was banned from speaking, confined to nodding in her PJ's and pissin her knickers in the home. A time when Leo was married to that daft Russian cunt Lana and when Rachel still tried throwing in a fake skanger accent.

Fair City is meant to be about the daftness, and it's just not there at the moment. Bring back the shite I say!!

What IS happeining is:

Yvonne and Carol are best mates cause Yvonne got raped. That's it like. Yvonne is taking being raped very badly - it's almost being well done. Almost. Not quite. You know what's NOT a good thing to do to someone who's all jumpy and shit after being raped? Get yourself a key to their house and let yourself in unannounced. No one would do that, right? Except Carol. For some reason Yvonne's sworn enemy has a key to the apartment and lets herself in unannounced all the time.

By the looks of things Yvonne is gonna start boning Carol's ex Dan. Ugh, I can see it now. All her being raped issues are just going to dissolve because of the love of a good man. Fuck sake did she FORGET she was a fish eater anyway?



Wayne and Orla are fighting over the fact she's his boss. Fuck off the pair of ye - your only lucky anyone wants to ride either if ye anyway. And maybe wrap up, use the pill, a coil and the patch cause the thought of offspring like Wayne would make ya gag. VOM.COM

Kerri Anne, Mondo's girlfriend is possibly the closest we have to the usual Fair City absurdity. Not even just because it's a 50 year old woman made up to look like a girl in her 20's. Mainly because she's the full tilt of gobshite. Not a normal person. She's having a full mental break down because Mondo is gone to visit his daughter. Full. Mental. Breakdown. YET, still has the time to go and do then monstrosity of a hair and trowel on the makeup?

Rachel is getting bullied. I for one am only DELIGHTED. In real life bullying is terrible. Down with that sort of thing. Bullying in Fair City of that jumped up little tramp is beautiful. He's annoys my flange. Raising your eyebrows and looking worried as you speak is NOT acting. That's all she does. Fucking eyebrow furrower of the year. Long may she be bullied - might knock some of the Billy Barry kid out out her!

NEW CHARACTER ALERT. The ferocious, evil, badminded...........

Goo Eyes

Yeah, fucking GOOEYES. Where does a criminal even GET a name like that? Conjunctivitis? Running round doing armed robberies with sawn off shotguns and schrawmy eyes?

Sunday 12 January 2014

Fuck goblin

I KNEW no one would want to bone Paul Brennan that much! Turns out Callum's mother only wanted money. Well, she wants money and has also had the WORST reaction to a one night stand in the world. I know, some of you might say the worst reaction to a one nighter is pregnancy, and it is, but she had THAT bad reaction and is UBER bitter with Paul. She has taken GREAT offence to the fact that he was NOT in love with her after a drunken bang! How VERY dare he! HE MUST PAY FOR NOT LOVING HER.

Also, World's Worst Mother award for her. Blackmailing is all fine and well but she's made her son think she's dying from cancer. Her son who recently enough lost his stepfather. To cancer. And how many fucks does she give? Not very many. Actually, she gives precisely no fucks. The last fuck she did give was probably the one she gave to egg head Paul that got her up the duff with poor Callum. Ah jibes, she gave a PILE of fucks to Tommy, and I have a feeling this little fuck goblin* is not shy of cock........

Jane is pretending to be riddled with cancer which can only be cured in Germany. She needs 40,000 for this treatment, and she needs it now cause she's going tomorrow. She even told Paul her plan. But she'll be back in a few weeks after the treatment has been successful. Good luck with that one Paul. It's totally going to be the end of that. Crazy lady is going to come back and thank you for playing her blackmail game, she had a great holiday and life is good.

So Charlie's horrifically ginger grandson is back, and as my petition to get all gingers sterilised has not worked its magic, he has come back with a child. The poor unfortunate blind (I presume) girl he cajoled into the ride not only hid her pregnancy from her parents, but hid the child from them too. Usually I would express my shock at Fair City making up as ridiculous storyline as this. But I say yeah, fair enough. Look at him. I'd have disowned the child too.

Esther is only creaming the beaver over the child too. In fairness she's not used to babies with all their limbs correct and attached, so I suppose you can forgive her for wanting TJ and the sprog to stay.

As it turns out it's not that simple. TJ's girlfriend was terrified to tell her family she was up the duff. So much so that she hid her entire pregnancy and birth, then gave the child to the father to be raised gingerly while she goes about her business. Then out of the blue she phones to let TJ know she told her family, they accept her fully, they want TJ and the baby there and they have him a job. Eh, yup. About right. Cause that's how life turns out. They better be back baby in tow fairly sharpish or this may just qualify as Fair City's biggest non story to date........

Mondo's girlfriend is all levels of fucking flute. That's it like, she's a flute. From her flutey hair to her flutey voice and the fact that she has NO personality past being a flute. She's a flute like.

*All rights to Fuck Goblin are given to a Sligo cunt............