tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58594597436100993772024-03-21T01:53:37.857-07:00Fair City - Intelligent drama.....Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-32740023785395636612017-05-25T08:03:00.001-07:002017-05-25T08:03:59.026-07:00We need to talk......This Katy situation, while lengthy, has had moments of sheer brilliance. Last week it peaked, the final Reservoir Dogs meets Saw episodes. Ciaran managed to swap Katie out of the kidnap cubby and put Michael in. The wake up scene with Michael screaming, lads, was genuinely fecking awesome. The place was somehow barer then when Katie was there, (Ciaran, for all his faults, is quite the DIY genius) there was a deep sense of fear, enclosure, terror. Then the Jason and Kylie "Especially for you" of it all - Michael and Katie, everything would be so much easier if they knew what the other was doing, Ciaran in the middle pulling the strings. It was all a bit daft, but there were parts it was genuinely working!<br />
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Then ,this clip of Heather may be one of my favourite ever moments in Fair City - not part of the Katy scenario specifically, but hilarious all the same. There must be nothing worse than being a natural cunt then getting a brain injury that means you say the first thing that comes into your head. Asshole tourettes. This is epic hilarity out of Heather</div>
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Then there are, eh, other moments</div>
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Katy's fucking wig for one. How VERY incognito of them - The two of them thinking they'll escape Carrigstown with him Quasiomodo'ing about, bleeding all over the shop and her looking very much the ropey transvestite.<br />
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<i>There they are now, looking as normal and as incognito as possible, sure no would would pass a blind bitta notice to the pair.</i></div>
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I think of the attempted escape clips, the ones <i>CLEARLY </i>fucking recorded on the grounds of RTE are the best of all. The same pillars used by RTE for their fucking reports, Caitlyn and Quazy must have been quite the fucking sight. I'm going to watch the news later in the hopes I catch a glimpse of the two of them jujjing behind Brian Dobson later on. Just Dobbo gettin knocked over by Ciaran as he hobbles bleedily by......<br />
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<i>Could they not have gone around the back at least? Some of the most recognisable areas in the country, especially for watchers of RTE...</i></div>
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Delighted they finally furnished Deegan with a Garda buddy. Poor fucker had the weight of every crime in Carrigstown on his shoulders. Enter the new Garda, Garda BigCunt McGeeBag to the rescue. Perpetuating the Fair City stereotype that women have to be "Wagons" to be in anyway useful, and determined to solve crime with bitchy remarks and general bad humor. This character goes 1 of 2 ways - stays a right cunt and is sent off to the land of the periodically returning characters, or mellowed to a completely unrecognisable character to shoehorn her into storylines later....... </div>
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Back to the story, that ending..... Sorry about the spoilers, but here is a genuine recap of the end of Ciaran:</div>
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After a harrowing year long kidnap, a Stockholm Syndrome ravaged Katie decides she is Ciaran's bessie mate and the two of them embark on a great escape, all the way from RTE studios in Donnybrook to Dun Laoghaire. Once in Dun Laoghaire they decide the best place to hang out is off by the edge of the pier, and low and behold, Mr. Steady on his feet Ciaran just falls the fuck in</div>
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Just fell in....... The man who was dying, who Katie had to DRAG along Dublin, decided he should stand beside the water</div>
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I know if I was down by a pier with a dude on deaths door, practically translucent from blood loss I'd leave him swaying, teetering ,by himself, TWO FEET FROM THE SEA</div>
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And in she jumped after him. Screaming "Ciaran Noooooo"</div>
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And so ends the saga. Presumably Katie is dragged from the sea and Ciaran meets an untimely end. And with his fall, the closing of a chapter on the whole thing</div>
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Jibes and lolz, FC wil ensure we have to endure the Stolkholm Syndrome storyline for fucking ages because now they've done one thing that got the country talking, they'll strangle the last bit out of the whole thing..........</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-61157741839710224252017-01-02T06:35:00.000-08:002017-01-02T06:35:37.833-08:00Days of Our LivesI'm sure anyone who has read this blog knows that I take FC with a pinch of salt, and delight in the silliness and their aspirations to be Eastenders or Corrie. I never thought they'd stoop to American Soap Opera, I mean, they've touched on it, but never <i>really</i> got there.<br />
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Enter 2016/2017<br />
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Firstly, the kidnapping, in fairness, it's too long winded, too fat fetched and for fuck sake end already<br />
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But mostly, it's Dermot and the liver transplant. Anyone in Ireland who knows anyone on a transplant list, been on a transplant list, or had a brain for 5 minutes should realise that this is NOT how things work. Dermot is only sick about 5 minutes. I have no doubt that there are certain cancers for which transplants are the fix, I'm no medical expert obvs, but I can see that that might have certain truth.<br />
However, I really REALLY disagree with a nurse just wandering in "They have a liver, it's a match, you'll be heading soon, huzzah". It's not that easy. There are false alarms, near misses, waiting, tests, etc etc. They're not going to fucking show the whole thing - but at least the similar story in Eastenders deals with that.<br />
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It's so damn lazy! They wanted to give Dermotsch the bif dramatic storyline, but couldn't actually deal with killing him off. It was done in such a rush job they might as well have sent him to a fucking faith healer.<br />
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Seriously, they almost killed a central character off (who wasn't ALREADY DEAD) and he received a miraculous liver transplant. Why am I even surprised........<br />
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Next step - someone back from the dead! Or Barry gets released from prison. I'd actually really like that......<br />
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AND, while this is going on, they always have the good old bug issue sideline story - this time its.....<br />
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CORRUPTION IN DRIVING INSTRUCTORS!! Big issues there lads. A couple of lines over Christmas about the homeless (which was overshadowed by Kerry-Anne's ridiculousness <i>anyway)</i> but a multiple day storyline about the RSA logbooks, something which has been part of getting a licence in Ireland for over 4 years.........<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">As part of getting a driving licence in Ireland, you have t</span></i><i><span style="color: blue;">o complete 12 driving lessons (Farcical! Money Rackett! Blah! Complaint! I love to complain! Fuck trying to improve road safety, it's the government trying to swindle us! Grrrr Arrrg!!!) </span></i><br />
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Robbie's Mam is learning to drive, Ray is teaching her. She's trying to get him to sign her log bog to say she's done the 12 lessons, KerryAnne looks on all wide eyed and disgusted, and I laugh at the fucking ridiculousness of it all....... Of there'll be a moral of the story here.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-7374503518211230552016-12-15T14:33:00.000-08:002016-12-15T14:46:30.970-08:00A lil trip down memory lane......So, in a conversation online, I saw a load of people question where Paul got all his kids from, and it got me thinking............<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">WHO GOT A SEX TROPHY FROM PAUL?</span><br />
Rachel - Helen<br />
Callum - Jane<br />
Oisin - Niola<br />
Ruth - Yvonne<br />
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Paul has 4 children (That we KNOW of.......) from 4 different baby mammas - let's talk about how these things happened<br />
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<b>Rachel</b> - well Rachel was the daughter of Paul and his much loved Helen, Bella Doyle's daughter. Helen was at one stage engaged to be married to a man called Mike, but jilted him at the alter for Paul<br />
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<i>Mike: You know this means I'm entitled to anal now?</i></div>
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<i>Helen: Ehhhhhhh......</i></div>
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<b>Ruth </b>- SPEAKING of Mike...... Once left by Helen, Mike decided to stay around, and low and behold what did he find? Yvonnes gee!! Yes, only Helen's very own sister!! So on he hopped and off they went. They eventually broke up, and he fucked off. Leaving Yvonne to bone about and tuna bump as she wished. Along her little RIDE along, she had a little peen on vej action with Paul, and VOILA - Ruthie!!! Poor Niamh can't have kids, and found it in her heart to keep Paul's love child as she couldn't have her own.</div>
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(Yes, 2 sisters, shared 2 men, and both had kids with 1 of those men)</div>
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<i>Paul then tried to press them together like Barbies "KISS. EACH. OTHER"</i></div>
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<b>Oisin - </b>Before Niamh, Paul was married to the utterly shrill, sharp and bony Nicola. They all worked together with Donal in Blue Dolphin, omputer boffins that they are! Now, in Blue Dolphin Paul boned Niamh, and Nicola, THEN Nicola also boned Donal - Blue movie more like - am I right!! While they weren't inserting floppy discs into each other's ports they were 'creating packages' for all of Dublin - forever with the packages...... Anyway, while married to Nicola they produced spawn, called Oisin, the slimy result of which can be seen on our screens now (Oisin, not the spunk slime or anything like that.....)</div>
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<i>Young Entrepreneur Oisin tryin to sell his mother</i></div>
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<b>Callum - </b>Out of the blue, along comes Callum. The result of a 1 night stand with Jane years ago. It's the normal route - Girl meets boy, boy impregnates boy, Girl has baby boy, Baby boy grows up and finds Dad, Mother moves to live nearer son, son leaves, mother stays for fuck all reason.............</div>
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<i>In Paul's ridey defence - the ONE time he resisted riding, he was accused and blackmailed about it any - suppose it just proves he might as well keep it up (IT, being his penis)</i></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-51072412672486181522016-12-13T14:52:00.000-08:002016-12-13T15:07:59.282-08:00Katie and the never fucking ending kidnappingHas anyone ever felt so sorry for a kidnapper as you have for Ciaran? I swear to God I hope he gets away with it - poor cunt, with the dead sister and all. He managed to talk Eoghan O'Brien down from a literal ledge, in a sad shadow of what no one could do for his own sister. Although she was <i>technically </i>kidnapped, he was mostly lovely to Katie, with moments of sweetness and care you can see he had most likely, previously reserved for his own younger sister. Doesn't hurt he's a big old ride as well........... Not sure I'd be half as enamoured had Michael kidnapped someone.......<br />
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Speaking of which, Michael is the biggest gimp in the world - 1. Sort yourself out ya clown and take of that FUCKING jumper 2. Get the chip off yer shoulder 3. Man up and stop being such a selfish son of a bitch.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Background to the kidnapping</span></b><br />
Cathal, as a character - what a WANK BAG. He blames the O'Briens for the death of his father (the crime lord and all round horrible fuck who, to be honest, didn't even seem to like Cathal.) so makes it his life business to ruin their lives, make shit horrible for them, and bank wank all over their already shitty time of it.<br />
At the same time, Ciaran has a hatred of Michael O'Brien - who dumped his little sister years ago, and she then took her own life. He blames Michael for the whole thing and kidnapped Katie as revenge, to make Michael feel what he felt. To make him feel responsible for his sisters dissapearance. unfortunately, Michael, while giving a fuck, mostly just acted the weak gobshite and ignored the whole situation<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">Paul Shagbag Brennan gets his CUMuppance </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">(Get it?)</span></b><br />
AND my favourite part - Eggy headed Paul Brennan looks like he MIGHT finally be getting what he deserves.<br />
Or.... well, what he DESERVES is a bog kick to his presumable rotting from STI's crotch. SUCH a bad case of OCD - Overactive Cock Disorder. I have a theory tho, maybe he's NOT the whoremeister we think - he possibly just has undiagnosed Parkinsons and just vibrates his way into vaginas?<br />
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Niamh has finally been thrown over the edge. Too many affairs Paul, too many affairs....... I dunno how these two have ever had time to ride each other they've had to many affairs (mainly him, granted) Maybe that's the real reason Niamh can't get pregnant - he's already emptied the tank around the place earlier.<br />
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Actual footage of one of Paul's beatches</div>
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Luckily for Niamh, Dermotsch is riddled with liver cancer and has moments left to live!!! For actual fuck sake tho, I know she's helping him too, but SUCH a horrible bit of opportunism. The pair have managed to take all of Paul's money and have it 'resting' in their account. I really <i>really </i> want them to get away with it all. He's such a hateful little shite, how he pulls so many women, I'll never know. </div>
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And I know, I know, I've given him a hard time in the past, but poor Ben must have the unluckiest life in Carrigstown - abandoned by his bio Mum, only to be adopted by fucking Jo of all people, then he parents split up a few times, he gets a life threatning disease, his mother leaves his father for good and THEN his father dies...... Poor lil cunt</div>
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Still annoying as all fuck that kid tho.......</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-69798274853481680022016-09-04T15:18:00.001-07:002016-09-04T15:18:13.085-07:00Oh, Meredith...........We need to talk about Meridith. What the actual fuck is she?<br />
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I think that the character is <i>intended </i> to be a whirlwind of American sex appeal and glamour.<br />
She is in fact a terrible Jessica Rabbit-esque character. Sounds like a compliment, but I can assure you, it's not. What looks like a sexy walk on the cartoon, is <i>very</i> different when undertaken by a middle aged woman, surrounded by the most Irish of Irish actors. She walks out of a room swinging her arse from side to side, and I swear, I'm worried she's going to knock nearby children and send them flying. She doesn't have a big arse, just she's that ridiculous.<br />
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Luckily, Meredith has a rich backstory to enjoy, and was introduced as a character <i>years</i> before she swaggered onto our screens. The thought, foresight, planning an genius!! Imagine this: Wayne, young and virile, married an exotic dancer in Vegas one night........ And, eh, ya, it's Meredith!<br />
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Oh, yes, how could this go without further delving into this sophisticate and exploring the character fully..........<br />
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When Meredith arrived in (fairly fucking randomly enough) Carrigstown, she made short work of becoming buddies with Wayne's wife and family. She wrangled a wedding invite from Doug to the big double wedding of the year and proceeded to NOT only entertain everyone there with her brash American ways, but to be invited to sing at the wedding reception. Not only that, but Delores and Orla were positively <i>enchanted </i>with her.<br />
Imma just call bullshit on that.<br />
I have an Irish Mammy, so my thoughts on Delores' reaction to Meredith's ridiculousness at the wedding, well it's bullshit.<br />
Just please, imagine being at a wedding. An Irish wedding, full of aunts and uncles, friends, the priest, grandparents, the lot. And this random, loud, flamboyant stranger decides to sit at your table, flirt outrageously, talk of exotic dancing, and fling her tits around in skimpy clothes.<br />
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Now think of your Mam's reaction.......... Seriously, think about it.<br />
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Is it a big happy head, and clapping, as Dramatico El Whoro continues to drape herself across 20 year old Doug, all heaving bosom and winks? Nah, it's not....... <br />
Poor Doug has it bad as well. Meredith has an exotic dancing show, and he went every night. There are better ways to pay for getting your rocks off. Also, does he just sit there being all horny? Or leave immediately for a wank? These are things I think about when you hear of men going to strip clubs. Don't worry, I'm not against them, I just don't understand the boner logistics - you surely can't wank there? And then by the time you get home, surely you've lost the horn? Or am I missing the point?<br />
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Heh, point...........<br />
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Kerri-Anne is such a dose. No seriously, she is the biggest pain in the hole ever. I know I'm repeating myself, but her whole existence since she arrived is to be a girlfriend, speak only of love/relationships/boys and over pronounce the s at the end of every sentenccccccccccccccce. Once you hear this, you can no longer unhear itshhhhhhhhhhhhh.<br />
She fell in love with Decco, but has made the poor cunt jump through the most daft hoops. Unless everything is fairy tale perfect she throws a diva strop, all doe eyes and victim chat. Just the most annoying shite, e.g. she made him think she was standing him up at the alter, just for him to bend over backwards to tell her he loved her, from behind the door of Leos. Just pointless, he proposed, he let you demand a faster wedding, he's a fan, just put the fucking dress on ya sickener! It's utterly grating, especially when paired with the pronunciation issue she hasssss.<br />
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For this rushed, needlessly drama filled wedding, a whole heap of the Bishops arrived for the wedding, including the original and still the best - Zumo. I actually really like the Bishop family, without KerriAnne obviously. She's too needy, moral, and makes Decco an awful pleb with all his pandering. Bring back the granny, throw out KA, and bring back Zumo's massive face lump!<br />
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<i style="color: blue;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">In other news Zumo transformed himself over in Spain. He does look great, but STAP WITH THE EYEBROWS!! Fucking hell, he's got brows that would make an instagramer jealous!</span></i></div>
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Finally, <i>clearly </i>Paul is about to ride Farrah. Her kiss with Wayne was clearly the gateway affair to the full on ridey affair with Paul. And as for Paul, well he rarely goes too long without riding or impregnating someone, so really, it's been on the cards for a while now. Basically all that's left to happen is <i>how, </i>and more importantly, how they get found out.<br />
My bet is on expertly taken dick pics: Farrah, living out the photography dream, accidentally adds beautifully lit sepia coloured photos of Paul's Penis.<br />
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Classy tho, sunsets in the background and whatnot.......<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-10974103142695473062016-05-03T12:40:00.000-07:002016-05-03T12:44:10.293-07:00Affairs and internet worriesGenuine theory!!!<br />
Pat Mustard from Father Ted fame - is ACTUALLY future Tommy Dillon! I have noticed the similarities before, but it looks like Tommy is starting on Carrigstown affair No. 2 - the tentative steps towards becoming the MILF-float-fucker from Craggy Island!! It's like we're watching a prequel!<b><i><u> Shagman Begins</u></i></b>! He starts as a love lorn lover, and evolves into the energetic bone bananza man through a series of married women. Not all supermen wear a cape lads.<br />
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On the topic of his new affair with Debbie........<br />
Now I've never had an affair (clearly my boyfriend reads this......) but I know if I DID, I'd put clothes on BEFORE leaving the sex stank room I just bumped uglies in. Debbie was basically still wiping herself off as she came out of the room. Where is the subtlety lads? Is it not enough to have them kiss and go into a room, and emerge after? Instead they have to come out stuffing their genitals back into their clothes - Irish public couldn't have worked it out alone.<br />
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And Dermot........ Ah here, I know that hi wife randomly left him for another man, but calm your tits dude. He's the Nancy Drew of Tommy Dillon's balls - magnifying glass out looking for clues. He's about to uncover the uber secretive duo if its the last thing he does!<br />
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TOPIC OF THE WEEK!! DANGERS OF THE INTERNET<br />
When it rains it pours - everyone has downloaded a dating app. It's called Just Dating, genuinely disapointed - the last time our Carrigstown buddies used an hilarious version of Bebo - I think it was Meemo, or Debo, something hilarious anyway - I was hoping for Twinder, or Plenty of Pork, or Flinder...... This is in addition to Katie meeting a girl who is shady about deleting her Facebook. More generic and easy to predict storylines to come.......... Catfishing and bullying. You heard it here first.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-91134803178460064732016-03-23T16:25:00.001-07:002016-03-23T16:31:42.084-07:00Oisin AttacksThere has been such a hiatus in my blog posts I have no idea where to start!<br />
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The major storylines of the moment revolve around Rachel, Paul and Oisin, the 1916 Rising, Dan wanting to come back to Carrigstown and giving Ama <i>another </i>man related storyline - that's all she's there for. FFS.<br />
For now, I'll deal with the Rachel shite<br />
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To backup a little bit, Rachel went on holiday and got that fringed jacket she never takes off herself, a boyfriend and the work ethic and business smarts of her auld lad.<br />
Pierce and Rachel looked as though they were going to be the world's most amazing and perfect couple, but things turned sour fast. In a couple of days they went from business-running power-couple, to Pierce robbing her and pissin off to Australia.<br />
We haven't heard the last of him, and you can be guaranteed that the cock-struck Rachel will be back swinging off him as soon as he is back.<br />
Currently, the world has thrown her a shocking deal and she's all empowered and whatnot - off to rule with an iron fringe and be the epitome of strong woman (until Pierce comes back and she decides it's <i>sound</i> to take back the lad who stole from you and ran away to Australia )<br />
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For now, Rachel 'Trump' Brennan has put all her hopes, dreams and energy into The Pod - the overnight success hostel her Daddy gave her. She's all BOOM, business idea here, BAM, making contacts there, and WHOMP-cunning-decision-making all over the shop<br />
ALAS, along comes Oisin to stir the shite pot.<br />
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Shocked to learn that another one of his kids is a fuck bucket, Paul is on a mission to get him on the straight and narrow. Little does he know that Oisin and Nicola have all this planned in order to get in on that sweet sweet Brennan money. I've a feeling that Nicola may be wanting more than his money - unless he has attached all that money to his cock.<br />
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Little known fact, the actor who now plays Oisin is the same actor who played the woman at the start of Mars Attacks. Fact.<br />
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Slight segue - I know that Oisin has been in Cork for the past few years, but I would presume that Paul at least visited him? They seem to be fucking meeting each other for the first time. And how many kids does poor barren Niamh have to stepmother? For a lad married to a woman with an ornamental vagina he's got a hape of kids out there. Not only this, but the absence of the all powerful baldy headed semen slingshot of North Dublin clearly turns kids into evil little shites.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-23609552897329299992016-01-05T15:07:00.000-08:002016-01-05T15:07:41.624-08:00All about Heather! Past and Present<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Heather is a freak. <a href="http://iheartfaircity.blogspot.ie/2010/06/old-posts_3297.html" target="_blank">Older posts on here HERE</a><br />
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">If you can't remember her back story here it is:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Rene gets all sexy with some lad from her
past. Lad shoots it in her and she gets pregnant. Adoption next, as Ryanair
wasn't around then with their cheap flights to Ye Old Abortion town. Rene is shockingly told that her baby is dead, and carries on with life, however heartbroken. Has 2 more
kids, in wedlock, with Christie.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Heather, the presumed dead baby, comes
back to look for her birth Mum - Rene is delighted and they all live happily
for a bit. That is, until Heather meets her half brother and decides that she'd
love <i>nothing</i> more than to sit on his face. And that she does. LOADS of
face-sitting and other types of incestuous fun. But all great and fucking
disgusting things must come to an end, which it did after the death of Floyd.
Which Heather had basically planned in cahoots with her doctor husband.
They euthanised poor incestuous and cancerous Floydy - and Heather went off into the sunset
with her happy go lucky killer hubby. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Then she comes back, her own kid in tow ready to ride her sister's husband and wreck general </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">havoc</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">. </span></div>
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<i><span style="color: purple;">Heather is distraught at Floyd's funeral when she realises she has no more brothers to fuck</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">On her return, she began by cultivating a storyline with
her friends and family. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Her first novel was successful and based in Carrigstown, sure why not have another go? </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">She started writing a book in which, again, she used real life
events, but this time manipulating things to create excitement i.e. riding her half sister's husband. She quickly got caught out.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">However, she caught the manipulation bug, and she really hates Farrah. A LOT for someone who should be trying to make amends for shagging her husband.</span></div>
<div style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0.0001pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">She's now trying to create an illness with her child, clearly not happy with Farrah's constant </span><span style="font-size: 18px;">one-upmanship. Starting when Ellie had her appendix out (which actually did happen), and following with, eh, she's j</span><span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">ust........ 'she's not feeling well'. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">There is literally nothing else said about the child's diagnosis/symptoms/illness. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">FYI as a former fat
kid, you do anything for that next lillipop, and she's getting one in the doctors every time - it's a slippery slope Heather! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Speaking of slippery slopes Heather has a bit of a thing for the current doctor, watch out Ama!!! Heather will do anything to get what she wants and create drama. Drugging the daughter and all. </span></div>
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<img src="http://www.cuttingedgecreations.com/images/P/CEC_SlipSlope_Panel.jpg" /></div>
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When I said Slippery Slope - I was talking about her vagina. Just in case.........</div>
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<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">Finally, she hates Farrah for no real reason. Bones one
sibling and hates the other. Unless it's BECAUSE she was the one that was adopted? Maybe she purposely pretended to love Floyd so she
could kill him? Is Farrah the next on her list? Bed yet another doctor in order to put down yet another sibling?</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-2927899579351798132015-10-06T15:22:00.002-07:002015-10-06T15:33:06.109-07:00The Dolphin PodAftermath of the car crash, is, eh, confusing to say the least. I missed a bit.... But car accident happened, little annoyance Ben almost died, got better/ Doctors found terminal/serious illness, then Jo and Dermotsch split up because Ben has to live in America now or else he'll die? Eh? Yeah, that seems about right. Dermot is never allowed go see them? Wtf? I'll have to keep watchin to make sense of that shite.....<br />
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Niamh and Paul like a married couple without the sex.<br />
So exactly like a married couple WHA?<br />
As far as I can see the scriptwriters had a bad bout of alzheimer's and forgot the whole split up storyline? They are just back together. No trust issues, no leftover feelings of resentment. Just her living at his, pretending they're not together while spending all their time together, bringing up kids in the same house together, getting the shift, drinking together..........<br />
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Paul's never comfortable unless it's a mouthful of red carpet</div>
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Other couples news, Orla and Wayne - split up already. You hate each other. Genuinely hate each other. From poking around on spoiler sites, it looks like Orla is about to break out the old Cosmo-inspired relationship move of making Wayne jealous. By having Tommy around loads. You know Tommy? The man who got her pregnant just before he went mental and before her and Wayne decided to pretend they baby was Wayne's. In itself the old jealousy tactic is a fabulous relationship tool. Particularly great in this case. Who's relationship WOULDN'T be strengthened by the presence of the real babydaddy? I see great things ahead!!!<br />
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And let's just talk about The Dolphin Pod.<br />
Are you actually fucking serious? Those of us particularly older FC fans will remember the good old days of Blue Dolphin. A busy, fast paced business/wife swapping operation owned by Paul, Niamh, Nicola and, eh, I can't remember his name - that sleezy fucker, Donal maybe? Like a wrinkly leather handbag? Got the ride from Nicola's sister when Nicola (who he was with at the time) was busy off getting her Chemo on. THAT Blue Dolphin.<br />
The old times have found reminiscent fame in the form of 'The Dolphin Pod'<br />
What is this? Well, should you find yourself an 18 year old, just out of Leaving Cert, with too little points for Teaching - off you pop on holidays, get yourself a lovely business minded boyfriend, a fringed brown suede jacket and open up a hostel. This can actually all be done in a month you know. That's from day of shitty results through to thriving business. A month. A beautiful Dublin property, fully furnished and sleek. Ran by an 18 year old, who has a week in a Business course under her belt...........<br />
Remember that the fringe jacket is essential. This is to impress upon the world that you are no longer a girl, but a sex having woman!!!<br />
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Rachel!! Just let him borrow it already!!!! Thick bitch she is</div>
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In other 'Arra sure fuck it, just drop the storyline in to fuck no matter if it fits or makes sense' news: Laura's lesbian lover (when you say that, FC are letting you practice your cunnilingus skills, so listen up you tuna bumpers!!!) Nina has ACTUALLY been in a relationship with long lost Bishop Sash for THRESS YEARS. A lot od which Sash has been in prison for. I mean I swear to fuck. The coincidence of it all would turn ya mental. Sash was a Bishop, went off to prison (aka actress got herself all preggo and whatnot) Nina sniffs around Carrigstown for a gritty family story, and accidentally ends up sniffing Laura's gritty vagina. Love blossoms. How Nina, never before seen in Carrigstown just <i>happened</i> to be in a relationship in the first place with someone from the same village, never mind the cousin of her newest little friend. In fairness, I loved Sash and all her pyjama wearing hilarity.<br />
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Extended maternity leave is up lads!!! Make way for Sash's return!!!!</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-2233188084235516632015-09-16T13:44:00.001-07:002015-09-16T13:51:48.984-07:00CAR CRASH TVSee what I did there? ACTUAL car crash on the car crash TV<br />
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<br />
<br />
WONDERFUL<br />
<br />
Ben, Dermot and Bob got injured in a surprisingly not utterly shit episode.<br />
<br />
Ben almost died because...... Ugh, where do I even start? Ah, from the ride, sure why not!<br />
<br />
Ben was the result of his original Mam getting the ride on a married man, I'm not even sure which married man. I think possibly it was (wait for it......) Renee's adopted daughter's husband the doctor? Remember her? Heather, the one that rode her brother Floyd? I know, I know, SUCH a feckin cliche!!!<br />
She didn't want her lil sex trophie, so gave it to the barren from utter bitchiness Jo. Jo and Dermotsch raise child as their own, annoying little flute.<br />
The original Mam, Mayo Deirdre, came back a few years later and kidnapped him, but gave him back. I'd have returned the annoying little shit myself to be honest. Five minutes of his gammy little accent and I'd be looking for childhood euthanasia. Smarmy litte shit.<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><i><b>The Offensive Little Cunt</b></i></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
She clearly went demented again and forgot how annoying he was and is back for custody. War war war!!!! Jo tutting and clucking away, Dermotsch squinting his little beady eyes all over the shop - all the normal shite. Solicitors, exclaimations of 'YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM' and 'YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MUM''s abound. Typical bollox.<br />
<br />
Until now.........<br />
<br />
A, frankly, fucking retarded mixup occurs when Jo and Dermot listen to the ramblings of their uber nosey, earwigging, half story listening foster child, to come to the conclusion that Deirdre was bringing Ben off to Australia when she was in fact just going to Mayo (You know they have no internet in Mayo? Just another up to date, awesome and totes legit issue Fair City is shining a light on.<br />
<br />
The mixup lead to dramatic driving, close up shots of Dermotsch's face in the rear view mirror and then a genuinely exciting car crash scene with overturned car and dramatics and EVERYTHING.<br />
<br />
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Ah, then it got shite again. The TV Equivalent of shooting the load........ The cleanup is depressing and you've to pretend it's all just grand..........</div>
<br />
Carraigstown bounded into action.<br />
Guards!<br />
Ambulance!<br />
Dying 9 year olds!<br />
Demands of neck braces and boards! (Because it must have been the fucking paramedics first day on the job, and before the doc gave them this advice they were actually wandering in with dildo's and doughnuts)<br />
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<i style="color: blue; text-align: center;"> <b>Awkward time for Ben to have his first erection</b></i></div>
<br />
Surprising heroes of the day? Hughie and Rachel's new genital smasher Philip! Side question - where did Hughie's alcoholism go? Last time he was a broken man, now he's back and functioning away. Impressive stuff. He's clearly now got money. It's that old saying tho, 'Give an alcoholic a pile of money, and he'll make a real serious go of it, and make good financial decisions' Way to stay true to life lads!<br />
<br />
As good as Philip was at the accident, his "Bob's ankle is definitely broken" comment was a tad obvious. Really? Sure all he had was a car sitting on it? And sure the fire brigade lifted that like? Pssshhh, Bob, you playin!!! Pure compo, I'd have shaken that one off...........<br />
<br />
SPEAKING of Philip and Rachel. The once timid school girl went on a post leaving cert trip, and came back a woman. A big, horny, mad for the ride woman. I just can't cope with this one. She annoys the bollox off me. In a show of shitty actors, she over acts, more than that, she over REacts. It's all mouth opening, eye bulging, actively watching.<br />
Well she's off with Philip for a while. Good riddance. Wonder when she'll return? And in what state! Married? Preggo? Full of AIDS? Stay tuned!<br />
<br />
Elsewhere:<br />
Dan joined the wheelchair basketball team. I would have thought this would be like any basketball team, except in wheelchairs<br />
<br />
FUCK NO!!<br />
WE MUST BE THE BEST! TRAIN HARD! SERIOUS SHIT! NO MESSIN! GET BACK TRAINING! ONLY THE BEST SURVIVE!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!<br />
<br />
The most intense team and league in the world. Any chance Dan is going to ride his new coach? Ah no, sure they wouldn't be that obvious!!<br />
(Insert image if her straddling his wheelchair here)<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-19726316331820371352015-03-25T14:05:00.001-07:002015-03-25T14:09:03.320-07:00Carol, Dan and RobbieFlip fucking flopping is all that's happening<br />
<br />
Carol Fantastic Flaps is back boning Robbie, but pretending to Dan that she'll get moist in his hoist. Carol and Dan, Dan and Yvonne, Carol and Robbie, Carol and Dan, Carol and Robbie and Dan. My head hurts.<br />
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<i>Dan practices sex acts on Carols bag in his quiet moments</i></div>
<br />
Poor Dan is stuck in his rehab, knowing something is going on, unable to do anything about it, or investigate it. Thankfully Carol and Robbie help him out by SHIFTING OUTSIDE HIS HOSPITAL ROOM.<br />
<br />
Then there is Bronagh. Dan's private nurse. I don't think she's meant to be a private nurse, but she spends her whole time with Dan and the majority of her time discussing his private life, with slight nods to his exercise and rehab. He's even asked her to spy on the ridey couple.<br />
AND SHE WENT AND SPIED!<br />
Seriously, think about it? You're in hospital for an extended time and you have an idea that the kinda girlfriend you may or may not have made up in your head is riding the dude she has form for riding. What should you do? Ask the nurse to head over to your "girlfriends" house to see if she can smell spunk in the air. Grand, no bother, no holes in that plot lads.<br />
<br />
Bronagh wasn't in fact able to smell the heady scent of Robbies seed and they almost got away with their deception (Had Carol burped though........) The lovebirds were outed however, as Carol opened the door in her black silk robe (I presume black silk is perfect for spunk stains), tits out and a dishevelled Robbie emerging from her room.<br />
<br />
So, everyone knows! Except Dan. Inexplicably, even though she went as far as to find out the truth for Dan, she decided he's better off not knowing. For actual fuck sake. And for the love of god can they not afford a uniform that fits the poor woman?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-10700724817102766722015-02-15T14:19:00.001-08:002015-02-15T14:42:10.723-08:00Relationship advice from the pros<br />
Jo went to the most hilarious school reunion ever. Utter American cheesy bollox. Romy and Michelle style. Jo used to get bullied by the popular girl. Enter slender shoulders Dermotsche making up stories about owning a chain of restaurants and the like. Mean Girl #1's husband gets a little handsy with Jo and she catches him. What does she do? Piss her shite laughing with Jo about how they are all failures in life. Not a bother, cheaty husband, off ya go, we'll have the chat later, giggle giggle.<br />
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<i>Cunt never takes off the flasher Mac either</i></div>
<br />
Speaking of relationships - Fair City were out to give everyone relationship advice<br />
First up Pete got advice from the new drunk doctor. Pete is finding it hard to tent pitch now that Dolores is receiving treatment for cancer. That's kinda fair enough. Fucking hard time that. Then the doctor gave him fairly good fucking advice too - to tell Dolores the truth about his feelings about her and her cancer. Her reaction was to dump him and throw him out. Done. Moral of the story? Never tell your beure the truth damnit!<br />
<br />
Then Doug and Amma. Doug has been trying to get his leg over Amma for some time now. Amma has been prick teasing poor Doug, hardcore friendzoning him. Doug pretended to have a date for valentines (he did, a date with a bottle of Durex Sweet Strawberry lube and Pornhub) and it got Amma all kinds of bothered. Sup boys - treat em mean, keep em keen. Man, I bet she'd be all fucking instructional riding him 'No Doug, I do not think that is correct. Please take that out of there' 'Yes Doug, please keep going, this is all very satisfactory and I think I might be about to experience the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension' (You'll need to mentally add Amma's voice to that......)<br />
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Ama leans in and whispers 'Fancy pegging?'</div>
<br />
A journalist mysteriously shows up in town to do a piece on the Charity Shop. Man are charity shops fucking interesting. Fucking hell I love nothing more than a charity shop story. RAGIN she decided to go with the angle of '<i>Person in charity shop grows up not mental after Father kills mother then kills self</i>' cause that's been done to death like! OH! And! The journalist - pure lesbian. Not that she's done anything inherently 'lesbian' yet - but lingering looks at Laura show you what's coming. (I dunno what's inherently lesbian in the Fair City world - Yvonne was a lesbian, so, eh maybe being a lesbian means sitting on a pile of dicks? Not sure, I'll ask) The journalist WAS meant to be doing a story on the charity shop - but then realised that this was THE Halpin family - of the murder suicide story. Oh, and the journalist just HAPPENED to be on the bridge the day Marty died............. Coincidences are strangely rife at times<br />
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Laura with her apprentice lesbian foundling. That's how it works yeah? Yeah. Foundling isn't getting ANYWHERE with those moves......</div>
<br />
Damien never takes his bands out of his pocket. Never. What's he DOING in there? Bitta side wanking? Is side wanking a thing? It should be. If' I'd a dick I'd be side wanking all day long. I'd be a terrible human being as a man. Ball fondling must be so much fun.........<br />
<br />
Charlotte is back and man she'll do anything to get the ride from Callum. She left Spain to come back and try and trick Callum into, I dunno, falling in love with her? She's going to be dangerous. Bit of a compulsive liar, and already killed her father (even if it WAS justified, this is a soap so she won't be allowed to do that and just live a normal life)<br />
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She needs to realise Callum is a teenage boy. She just needs to say 'Hey, fancy getting your dick wet?' and I'm 90% sure she'll get it.........<br />
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<i>Charlotte shifts Callum as Decco looks on and considers furiously masterbating now, or later</i></div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-55781270857126378022015-01-13T14:02:00.000-08:002015-01-13T14:02:01.916-08:00Cha cha now y'allYvonne and Carol are in some weird game of swapsies over Dan.<br />
That's how love works ya see. Partners are interchangeable dependant on circumstance. Can't be bothered going all the way to your boyfriends house? Well ex-bae is only 3 doors up.... Dump boyf for the afternoon, note to self to get him back when location changed, It's more convenient for Carol if Yvonne has Dan, so, she just gives him to her.<br />
<br />
Since he came to Far City he flirted with both, decided on Carol. Threw her round on his cock for a while. They spilt after deciding they weren't right for each other, clearly the real love was between him an Yvonne. So off they went to have a happy life together. But a quick fling put paid to that. And Dan did (confusingly) seem to decide his love was with Carol.<br />
<br />
Now that he's paralysed, well, basically Carol doesn't want him. Not even leaving it to a stressed out decision after months of being carer. Just a flat out, hands raised 'Nope! Not it!' While Yvonne is mentally fitting out her apartment for his wheelchair, pencil behind the ear, ready for the DIY.<br />
<br />
Although Carol has no interest in him without the use of his <strike>cock</strike> legs, she is pretending to. So clearly she's a lovely lady. I suppose, for the foreseeable, we're just going to have to watch Carol wheeling him passive agressively wheeling him through the streets, while accidentally tipping ashes from her mouth set cigarette onto his poor little baldy head . Right little Florence Cuntingale.<br />
<br />
Have you ever had that one friend you're always competing with? Maybe it's a sibling? You always have to get the last word in any argument. Nicola and Niamh are like that. Except it's less getting the last word in any argument, and more getting the last go of Paul's knob in their vagina. As soon as Nicola heard Paul was single, down she came (on his knob). Niamh is killed with jealousy but only <i>because</i> it's Nicola. Poor smug egg head Paul needs to be told neither of them give a flying fuck about him or his strangely conical shaped head.<br />
<br />
And then Niamh decides to leave Michael! For what? Cause Rachel is pissy? Cause her and Paul are fighting? Maybe STOP FIGHTING with Paul over Nicola, instead of breaking up with the man you left your family for?! It doesn't even make any sense. Unless she was actively looking for the most stupidly selfless act? She'll achieve nothing bar a cobwebbed fanny from lack of action. Her and Paul are still separated. They still live separately. They kids will all still have to split their time between them.<br />
<br />
Remember the drama of the missing Neil? Well in he walks. Not a fucking bother on him. In he walks into the shop where Doug was. Just one or two little plot holes there Fair City dude. How the fuck did he know where Doug was going to be? How did he afford the flight when all his shit was stolen? Why didn't he ring anyone at any stage to say he was coming home?<br />
<br />
What level of hungover WERE you to think up this scenario. I think I can imagine the happenings:<br />
<br />
"Hey, Mr. writer, we still have Neil missing, but the Dolores cancer storyline is happening?"<br />
Writer lifts his wary head from the table, an empty bottle of Jack Daniels tipped beside him, part of a doner kebab on his face<br />
"ugh srg, grumph....... just have him come back.......to...the, (yawn) shop....."<br />
head back on desk.<br />
<br />
SHOCKER - Morbeg Crowley has seen Neil between her postnatal fuelled departure!! More to be revealed, but I mentally inserted a montage of them in London, on the London Eye, picking George Clooney's nose in the Wax Museum, her jumping out from behind something in the London Dungeons and them having a great laugh about it.........<br />
<br />
And poor Dolores has breast cancer. I would never make fun of cancer <a href="http://iheartfaircity.blogspot.ie/2010/06/old-posts_3297.html" target="_blank">AHEM........</a> But Fair City does NOT like genitals or sexy bits. From Bella's suspected knob cancer, to Mr Piggot and Flyods separate demise from, again, knob cancer (Ah I know it was prostrate, but ffs, have you READ my shite - of course I'm going to take 'artistic' license) right up to Delores' diseased melons, it's not a good place to have male or female parts.<br />
<br />
Let's just have a moments silence for Delores' boobs...........<br />
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Boob slap to the left....</div>
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Boob slap to the right.........</div>
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Take it back now Wayne!!!</div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-9267017778954909762015-01-04T14:08:00.001-08:002015-01-04T14:17:19.483-08:00EXPLOSION!! Or tripped switch? I dunno..........So Morbeg Crowley and Pete's son is missing. A body was found in London that they have to go and identify. Forgetting Morbeg Crowley left the him as a fucking baby. She's about as qualified to identify him as I am. Spoiler, it's not him. Not that Morbeg Crowley fucking knew. Standing beside Pete crying, watching his reaction to the dead body, changing from nodding to shaking her head as she sees him realise it wasn't Neil.............<br />
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<i>'Maybe put the body in a babygrow and I'll see the resemblance' </i></div>
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Then poor hapless Doug thinks he's in a relationship with Ama. Ama looks positively fucking petrified every time it's mentioned that they might be together, while Doug clearly envisages an Officer and a Gentleman ending, Ama turning up to McCoys, sweeping him off his feet in her nurses uniform......<br />
<br />
The truth about Nicola and her ex fiance 'Clar' is out. He didn't leave her, looks like she was on her way to get married, only to learn Paul was single again and turned on her heal straight back, foaming at the gusset for her much loved ex.<br />
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'Clar' returned to have it out with Nicola. Noncy bellend as expected. He left thinking Nicola was boning Paul, which they weren't, but got down to straight after he left. The weedy little runt left with his pride hurt, but his heart intact, leaving with the parting comment 'Stay out of Mallow'<br />
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OH NO!!!!! NOT BANNED FROM MALLOW! Poor Paul and Nicola's lives will be forever ruined.......<br />
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And the dramatic explosion in The Station......<br />
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Robbie is sick of Yvonne and Carol fighting so he locked them in the cellar of the station. Cause that's how you deal with problems, as if you're in a shite made-for-TV Lindsay Lohan movie.<br />
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They obviously go mental. But don't really bother bangin on the door much. Cause why would you bang on doors when you're trapped inside some place? That's just daft obviously. Nah, bitch and moan at each other and turn on a fan.<br />
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'I get claustrophobic' - Carol developed claustrophobia after giving birth to her never seen son Jack in the lift. Something which was never mentioned before, nor will it again. Her claustrophobia showed itself with her flinging shite around.<br />
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"I'm claustrophobic! Must fuck kegs across the room! Grr Arg!!!"<br />
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Gobshite. This resulted in her flinging a keg ala King Kong from Super Mario, which broke the gas pipe. Cut to regular dramatic views of said pipe and REALLY loud hissing noise. Robbie's plan does start to work a bit, bonding over Dan, slowly losing conscious due to the gas exposure, talking lower, and lower, heads falling.......<br />
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THEN! Yvonne wakes! MacGyvering the pipe fixed as a team! THEN they bang on the door. Help comes!!!!<br />
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In a flurry of activity they manage to escape, but Dan is left to turn off the gas pipe (from the mains. They basically wrote half the script from the Bord Gais ad), leading to what looked like the most dramatic tripped switch ever.<br />
<br />
I was waiting on an explosion, but instead there was a teeny little spark and Dan was thrown across the room.<br />
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He might be dead. Or paralysed. OH FC's knocking on the irony door there! (Dan beat up a man who is now severely brain damaged, OH the hilarity irony can be! Alanis Morissette must have forgotten that verse)<br />
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Stay tuned!!!!!<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-32512902590809791942014-11-18T14:55:00.000-08:002014-11-18T15:02:40.513-08:00Wardrobe challenges...........Does Yvonne ever wear anything other than black? I get she's an evil character but for fuck sake lads.<br />
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After realising Dan threw it in Carol (it being his dick and Carol being the town bike) she decided to string him along for a while, then dumped him. She now has a dastardly plan to get back at the pair of them. So far her plan is to side eye Carol with a 'Go on, tell me the truth face' Poor Carol is the MOST guilty of fuckers ever. Hair pulling, coughing, ahem'ing. I have no idea how she doesn't just burst out with 'OK I BONED HIM, ARE YEH HAPPY'<br />
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Next step in the plan is to move in with Carol. Carol should know from this that Yvonne is clearly cooking something evil. Yvonne has had 2 kids and given both away, as ya fucking do. The woman hates children. Let's not forget that one of hers is living in Carrigstown and not a fuck does she give about her welfare. Not a sidewards glance, and she fricking LOVES them. So moving in with Carol and the not-seen-in-2-years Jack is uber suspicious. Also, where the fuck is Jack? Actually forgot for a while there that she HAD a child. She must have some savage creche that takes in boarders.<br />
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Carol's feeble excuse to put Yvonne off moving in is that she has to put Jack first. Who? Oh yeah, Jack....... This said with a fag hanging out her mouth. Mother on Carol! Next week she contemplates the importance of Montessori while shootin heroin.<br />
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Bella is an interfering old shite. Subtle as a brick asking Yvonne questions about Dan, basically telling her your not going to do much better. Yvonne let him know that Dan did the dirt on her. And his response? He didn't seem the type. Not seen him at your Adulterers Anonymous meetings Bella?<br />
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Jane loves getting random money all over the place. Her <i>well</i> dead husband was pure rich and she's just getting the money now. Last week all up in a heap over the money Paul screwed her out of. This week waiting on a windfall.<br />
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Getting done over by Paul and an unsuspecting Dermotschhh has let her to make Dermotschhh her newest nemisis. The plaited barmaid has remarkable pull in the accounting world. Dermot's business is fucked. Dermotshhh has a plan tough - he is using Callum as a double agent to change Jane's mind. Paul's disgusted, and warns Dermotschhhh and Jo that they have made a serious mistake, and that Jane will only get worse now!!!!- Dun dun duuuunnnnn. Jane is going to go mental cause Callum is being used? Except he's not really - they've already begger her not to keep up her vandetta. So she sould really be particularly surprised that they would ask someone close to her to have word? OH THOSE BASTARDS! .............. Not sure I see it.......<br />
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Doug and Alma may be the worst actors on the show. I know, that's like picking out the turd that made the smell, but I think they are. Just had to watch them having the most awkward theatre style conversation ever. Tip of the cap to Ama's WONDEROUS look around the street when Doug congratulated her on being a nurse again. They were all high inflection and ott reactions. A common trait in FC sending away people is that they can do whatever the fuck they want with them once they return i.e. change the actor to someone completely different, or in this case create a sexual tension/budding romance never mentioned before. Can't wait to see two of the most insignificant actors in the soap awkwardly act out a romance. And honestly WHY is Ama still there? She hasn't had a storyline in about a year!<br />
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Delores is walking her boyfriend into an affair with ex wife Morbeg Crowley. She's begging Pete to spend time with Morbeg Crowley. Cop ON will ya! Does Delores not know her life is shitty and nothing goes well?<br />
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<i>Maybe she should have suggested a comedy gig? NOT ROBERT PLANT YOU CUNT</i></div>
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Doug finally decides that his estranged mother Morbeg Crowley (I'm really pushing that as a nickname, I know) deserves a second chance. Their first meeting went well, and Delores offers her apartment to them to have the lols n bants. What could possibly ruin this reunion? Morbeg Crowley bringing up some particularly tough part of the past? Morbeg Crowley acting like a mother when Doug is an independent man who don't need no Mam? Nope, Robert Plant tickets. Morbeg Crowley ( Ok, ok I'll stop.......) offers to bring him to the concert which is genuinely happening in Dublin - and Doug takes it BAAAD. Again, not fully sure I follow the anger in this<br />
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And in hilarious news, Cass is getting Charlie into couch surfing. Pensioners, taking in hippies who can't be fucked paying for as much as a hostel. Fucking couch surfing. Then makes him feel lousy for not doing it. Cass, ya brown pleather coat wearing gobshite.<br />
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Brown</div>
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Pleather</div>
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Wearing</div>
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Gobshite........</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-66521523919282490692014-11-04T13:28:00.002-08:002014-11-04T14:44:13.100-08:00Carrie on retardlessPete and Delores are getting all happy and romantic. All talk of weddings and honeymoons in Paris. Too happy for Delores............ Remember, this is the woman with 2 dead daughters, a dead husband, an infertile son and has recently had to go back to work as her gobshite son lost all her money, life does not go well for Mrs I-bite-my-fist-when-worried/aroused.<br />
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AND.........<br />
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Pete's ex wife is oh so suspiciously back. Played by the one and only Carrie Crowley. Still the sexiest of the Morbegs. And where was she for the last 20 or whatever years? Only off being homeless, doing sordid things, losing her memory for a few years - living the life of Riley apparently. And the best part? All this took place up the road from her husband and kids. If only FC did montages - scenes of Pete changing nappies and dragging shopping bags and all that kinda shite mixed in with scenes of Carrie doing coke off a Morbegs tits and fellating Bosco (Bosco WAS a boy boys n girls!) Then her and and Zig and Zag doing a naked conga line behind Pete as he changes a tire in the rain.<br />
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<i>Pete's exwife, Carrie Crowley. She looked different in the 90's</i></div>
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Paul is back to being the ultimate villain. For a while the OTT villain used to be Bob, but he got reduced to kindly restaurant owner. Niamh got what she wanted, i.e. Michael so he's having a go at Jane. AT her not ON her - he's just trying to get money outta her, not fanny. Using Dermot, in one of the most frustratingly stupid set ups. He pretended to sell her a house and then yawwwwnn......... I'm so fucking BORED. Dermot is in the middle, being threatened and blackmailed by Paul and Jane separately. Enter Dermots adoptochild trying to warn Jane off Dermot. Paul's already got a pile of money, he's just being a cunt now. Which I suppose is what a villain does. But does he HAVE to fucking growl. Listen to him - he is so into his own bullshit that he spits out his angriest lines as a growl. People in real life are forever like that. I hear Mountjoy sounds like a fucking zoo..........</div>
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<i>In real life Paul is a successful entrepreneur. He makes giant ref's whistles that double as dildos - for the ref who doesn't have time for TWO separate products</i></div>
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<br />
Remember Yvonne? She found out her boyfriend cheated on her, so instead of confronting him, dumping him, or even talking to him, she just pissed off for a while. Dan hasn't heard from his girlfriend in weeks and isn't properly suspicious yet. Eventually get's a 'Everything is fine' text. No smilies, no nathing. HOW does he not know from this?! Fuck sake, read a Shemazing article Dan - never EVER think shit's ok when a woman says I'm fine. It's a rule or something. That OR the fact she pissed off randomly and hasn't rang you since. One of them is a sign.........<br />
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Oh Kerri-Fucking-Anne. Why is she still here? Her and Mondo I suppose are getting back together? Cause that's her function, being Mondo's girlfriend and having pigtails. And creaming the beaver over nail polish. Meanwhile Mondo is morphing into Decco, or Decco is morphing into Mondo. They're slowly turning into the same person..................<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-58117884629162243702014-09-21T09:54:00.003-07:002014-09-21T09:54:52.416-07:00Stroke, coke and lead pipesThe 25th Anniversary episodes were honestly some of the best TV I have ever seen. For the usual Fair City reasons. The main story lines were Christy dying, Paul and Niamh splitting and Dan and Carol burning out a car to save Dan from the Guards. It was actually epic.<br />
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After an Eastenders' style ending the previous night, the episode opened on Niamh telling Paul that she's been sexin' Michael, is in love with him and is leaving Paul to move in with him across the road. (Cause Dublin has no other areas and commuting doesn't exist)<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">DELIGHTED this was referenced again</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></i></div>
They had some inside rowing, then Paul decided to take this shit to the streets. With Niamh practically dragging off his leg he went screaming through the streets looking for Michael. Michael was over in his mammy's discussing the in's and out's of his home wrecking, so Paul returned to rowing with Niamh on the street.<br />
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Jibes about Niamh's barrenness were the highlight. That's it Paul, kick her right in the womb! (Metaphorically, not like a cunt punch or anything, although that would have really made the scene POP. )<br />
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Thankfully, Michael eventually turned up.<br />
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Then, like it was a fucking film, batings in the street with a lead pipe ensued. Best fight ever. With ninja quick reflexes Michael managed to dodge each and every one of baldy headed STREET FIGHTER Paul's shots. Rachel finally stopped the fighting when she THREW herself in front of the lead pipe (I'm over using the words head pipe, I'm just still so shocked they went with it......)<br />
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Wow, see Rachel put herself in danger to stop the fight? Possibly she didn't want to see her father in jail? Maybe she just hated fighting? Maybe it was the violence she abhorred? Nope, wet crotch Rachel only bothered about her horn for Michael. I hope she rides him at a later date.<br />
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Yvonne finally finishes the fight when she announces that Ruth is now safe in Michael and Niamh's flat, and that it's over Paul!!! Eh, I thought they were fighting over Niamh's ginge minge? Turns out Paul was on a quest to find his daughter as the residents tried to get her to a safe house. So he took the defeat and let Niamh run off with Micheal.<br />
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. <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIqlrcK0HSqnDbUkbw0D41WSyUhzN1bPvj1y6n77n7TmLT5WR6xNHZOY8FyzSiCn9vMz7LIkVwEbjauzGr5WPCDMi9DzeogVEtO3ReVXqzMmQPEoiMoJEVVm2x-2i-vzZ179wIX5SP5GY/s1600/pipe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIqlrcK0HSqnDbUkbw0D41WSyUhzN1bPvj1y6n77n7TmLT5WR6xNHZOY8FyzSiCn9vMz7LIkVwEbjauzGr5WPCDMi9DzeogVEtO3ReVXqzMmQPEoiMoJEVVm2x-2i-vzZ179wIX5SP5GY/s1600/pipe.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><i>Paul V Michael Screen shot. </i></span></div>
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As a side note they treat Ruth like it's real life. The child is completely unaware that she's doing anything more than fecking about at random kitchen tables drawing shit. Niamh is the worst.That child is going to be so fucked.<br />
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Over with the Phelans, Christy is still PHELAN rough (GET IT!) Farrah's husband Max is now the caregiver. Doesn't even have lines, he just gets told to bring Christy for baths and wipe his mouth. Or stands there looking uncomfortable. Christy went straightfrom hating being cared for and hating losing his independence to being the most entitled stroke victim ever. Max just staring at him, look of hatred on his face while Christy calls for him, Maa-ahh-aaaxxx, like a child. Well he got his chance to get one over on him. Christy suffered another stroke while sitting on the couch, tried to stand up, fell over, and from the looks of things died straight away. Max saw all this and still went to the pub. Such was his hatred for Christy he couldn't even help him. I know being a carer is hard work Max, but maybe don't let them die day 1?<br />
The problem with this is that Max is such a non character, why bother giving him the story? Within the same episode they made him carer, a carer who hated his position and then, not so much a murderer but a huge prick at least. All the while barely any lines. I don't get it.<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">It's important to act fast with stroke. Please refrain from having a pint before dealing with a stroke victim. What's that? Premier League started? Eh, maybe ring FROM the pub? Leave the door on the latch or something. Be grand</span></i></div>
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So off he goes to the pub. In fairness to him he sat there shiftily. No one noticed of course, but he gave the whole 'I may have just killed my father in law look' at every chance. ( You KNOW the look, it's a classic)<br />
Farrah is obsessed with pints. And a grandchild for her Da. Because "They're well set up" How so? Both just back in the country, neither even with jobs, her with a clear alcohol dependence and a father (who she doesn't realise is in fact dead) trying with difficulty to recover from a stroke. PERFECT TIMING! Would have been silly having that baby over in New Zealand when you both had permanent jobs and no disabled parents.<br />
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And a warning to everyone in Carrigstown. DO NOT FALL OVER IN THAT HOUSE. This is the self same living room that Turlough died in, <a href="http://iheartfaircity.blogspot.ie/2011/02/craic.html" target="_blank">in that horrific table death</a> that was totally believable.<br />
You fall in that house, it's certain death.<br />
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PUNTASTIC ALERT- Robbie and Dan's hatred and rivalry upped a level with Robbie setting Dan up, filling his car with cocaine and calling the Guards. Unaware that Trampy Drew Carol was off helping to save the day, Robbie stopped off in The Station for a drink. When asked what he wanted, Robbie relied, with a smirk "Coke". And I shed a single tear.<br />
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Like I said, Carol came in her transit van full of shite to save the day. SUCH DRAMATIC SCENES. Dan has a car full of coke because of Robbie! Can't go to the Guards! What next!!! Burn out the car, run from the fucking explosion (I'm not even fucking joking, they Bruce Willis'ed ALL over that shit), hide out in Carol's shitty transit and Adrenaline fuck. of course!!!!!!!<br />
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During the car burning scenes adenaline junky Carol got all all lip licky and nipple twerky. Poor cunts must have needed a bucket of Ventolin all the heavy breathing they were at, even BEFORE the ride. Speaking of which, the Gardai were presumably taking the shell of the car away, and the grey transit rocking away with beside them.<br />
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Best part was no one ever explained that the Gardai would take the car away, I just presumed this. Post adrenaline fuck Dan looked out the window of the van and Carol asked was it fully burnt out, Dan replied yes and then, then we were shown this:<br />
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<span style="color: blue;"><i>There actually is no need for words. They just let the world believe that the car was this burnt out. Not ABLE for Fair City. Not, able........</i></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-5047344013598372012014-09-16T14:09:00.004-07:002014-09-16T14:13:13.921-07:00It's NOT about the shop lads!Christy and the never make the fuckin decision family.<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">The hard truth of living with a stroke - poor Christy going through the 'I think people are decks, wikki wikki REMIX' phase. So, so sad :( :(</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></i></div>
The fight over Christy is alive and well. And it's NOT about the shop OK! No, in no way is it about the shop like.........<br />
Except it's totally about the shop. Farrah is leaving, she's staying, she's leaving, she's staying. All the while her husband is sent out of the room with promise of pints later while giving stank eye to Christy.<br />
Sean finally decided to have a massive go at poor strokey Christy, but how long will that last? In a few years, when Ireland is ready, we will learn that these two were in fact bum chums all along and each row was punctuated with epic make up sodomy.<br />
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Niamh leaves Paul!!<br />
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Once again Fair City <i>know</i> how illicit lovers speak to each other - back to back. I know if I was in my local Spar speaking to the dude I was tippin on the side I'd stand weirdly back to back and have a 5 minute conversation. And I KNOW if I was to see a pair having this kind of conversation my first thought would be 'Ah, nothing to see there! Just people who know each other not talking to each other over there!' Cause that's more inconspicuous than just fucking talking to each other.<br />
Niamh has finally decided to bite the bullet and leave eggy headed Paul. And oh yeah, take his kids with her. Yes, she has raised them and rightfully is their mother. However, her just taking the kids without presuming anyone was going to do the whole 'You're not the mother' thing coming up if laughable.<br />
Micheal is more than delighted about his new role as baby daddy to 2 girls. He tells Niamh "I've got stuff in for Rachel" like what? What kind of 'stuff' do you buy in for a teenager? One Direction posters and tampons? Also more than a little creepy that Rachel has a horn for her new step Daddy. Nice that both her and her mother have something in common though! You know, the fact that they both fap over Michael :) Sharing is caring Niamh!<br />
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Fair City must be ragin at the price of all the new clothes they have to buy Niamh! She gets smaller by the episode. Flat out riding<br />
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Other news:<br />
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Carol loves to flick her hair and look at everyone's forehead during conversations</div>
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Wayne referred to his own child as it. Plus, it's name is fucking Junior. Peter Andre would be delighted<br />
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<i>Don't worry Wayne - this is the exact same reaction everyone has when they have to see Orla's vagina</i><br />
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Everyone pretending they gave a flying fuck about dead Blacky Connors<br />
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AND Sean always looks like he just got out of bed.........( With Christy, shhhhhhhhhhhhh)<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-86018200940478801302014-07-22T13:23:00.000-07:002014-07-22T14:05:41.974-07:00Having a stroke, and Christie's medical woes tooLezzer in the new family. Lezzer, in the new family! Little did the mother know while giving her a lecture on protection that she wouldn't need it - tuna bumping is the least likely to get you pregnant. Pro tip<br />
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But, thankfully lezzer lite has a lesbian friend in Laura. Her mentor lezzer friend is passing on the golden dildo, with kind lesbian thoughts and anecdotes.With major 'I know your a fucking lesbian undertones'. Smiley lesbian fwend. My initial thoughts were 'Ugh, she's a confused lil lesbian, and Laura is being nice to her - OBVIOUSLY she's going to at least try and shift her, if not immediately try and feed the pony'. She, predictably went to shift her. And Laura acted like a little bitch about it. She should have fucking KNOWN. Now she's left poor newbie lesbian feeling like lesbian shite.<br />
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I'm not doctor, but Christie didn't have a stroke - it's the weight of his beard pulling down his face. If he took better care of himself his face wouldn't have slumped over like that. The tragic beardslide does seem to have caused irreperable damage and Christie is looking at a good while in hospital, unless he can get someone to take care of him. HURRAY! Sean is mad for Christie to stay with him. That will be great for the youngfellas sex life. Bringing home a girl and Slumpy McPisserson over in a bed in the corner waving for a nappy change. Sean doesn't seem to get much action in the first place so it might actually work out.<br />
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<i><span style="color: red;">Poor Sean didn't realise how many wank socks he'd have to wash once Christie mastered left handed wanking and found pornhub.</span></i></div>
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There is a Louise and Decco and Michael triangle. EIFFEL TOWER ANYONE? That's not even the first time I've brought up the thoughts of a Fair City Eiffel Tower - I'm not obsessed I swear..........<br />
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The triangle is:<br />
Louise went temporarily deaf, dumb, blind and had a MAJOR dose of anosmia in order to get the horn for Decco.<br />
Then she let Michael in her. <i>Although </i>Michael is still obsessed with Niamh, so it was less of a ride and more of Louise getting in the firing line of one of his cry wanks.<br />
And back she goes to Decco. Cause the allure of a minging criminal tramp is too strong ladies, am I right!?<br />
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Jo's pissiness is taking a turn for the horrific. She's always been a miserable cunt, but she's gone mad acting the cunt now. Dermotsch is most likely starting to presume affair over her cuntishness and secretive ways. Fun facts about Dermostch - he sits there actually pouting when he's pissy. As in selfie, teenage girl pouting Also, even though he is shaven he looks like he might be hiding a magician's tash. He should let that shit grow!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-27019464944377336672014-06-29T12:59:00.000-07:002014-06-29T12:59:03.800-07:00Short updateI haven't seen my beloved Fair City in ages. Finally got an episode, only to see a brand spanking new family have moved in. Niamh's little fuck buddy's family decided to move the whole lot of them to the town where he moved to. That's cool like. I'm guessing they want to live there because clearly he's done particularly well for himself. 'WOW! He has a job in a random little part of Dublin? Let's move there to be closer to his rising star' The father looks like a creepy, hairy Ray D'Arcy, and WHAT is with the young ones Princess Leia buns?!<br />
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He's still riding away on Niamh. Good on old fire crotch. She looks really well. I find it incredibly weird that he told his auld lady that he was ridin' a married woman. What self respecting youngfella tells his mother anything about his penis' activities? The mother's worked out who he's buckin, MAN I hope slaps get thrown.<br />
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And riding in the back of his Dad's car? Lovely. "Here Dad, have the keys back - sorry about the smell of ginger muff, I left the window down driving past Bláthnaid Ní Chofaigh and you know how that smell get's in" Might work like............<br />
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By the fucking way - the writers are OBSESSED WITH THE NEW FAMILY. 90% of this episode was about them. Get yer moneys worth outta them straight away!<br />
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I am genuinely ragin I missed the wedding/birth episodes. But little baby Junior is here. Have ya ever heard such a nacks name? It's sick.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-65230199700299374602014-05-13T12:46:00.003-07:002014-05-13T12:51:16.381-07:00Weekend at Bernie's IIIIt's confirmed, Judith = amazing vagina. There is no other explanation. Bob has moved in with her straight away and Tommy's gone nuts now that he's no longer tappin dat.<br />
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And fuck has Tommy gone nuts. The whole hog nuts. CCTV to watch what Judith is doing, the lot. Him sleeping in the weird little attic place and watching her while eating sandwiches is my favourite. And the CCTV makes me think. It's all good and well this CCTV on TV but in real life? Think of the stuff you do when no one is watching? I imagine Judith lift her leg to fart then shake it out while Tommy watches and cry wanks. Eating ham sandwiches from his other hand.<br />
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Mr Christmas ride is officially working for Paul while working ON Niamh's vagina (I say I made that work, piss off) They are excellent at not being discrete. Especially on the street. Niamh may as well be auditioning for CSI fucking Miami with her after chat street checks. Maybe I'm being mean? I mean when I'M meeting my illicit lovers I like to chat to them while nervously looking around and stopping the conversation when people come near. It's the perfect way to be discrete right? Looking around and erotic looks, the only way to go.<br />
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On a better note tho! She's lost a pile of weight. And I'd say that has been mentioned by EVERY IRISH MAMMY IN THE COUNTRY. Just ask your mother to watch FC with ya. Guaranteed she'll say it. If not Surf will give you your money back. ( MAN I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF THAT! Remember Niamh in the Surf ad??!?!?! No? Just me......... Oh..........) Anyway, if riding youngfellas is the way to loose weight I think Imma have to try that.............<br />
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Ben is adopted. Or they bought him or something? Can't remember but the woman who is now Dermot's sister in law is his real mother (cause THAT'S not awkward)<br />
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The real mother wrote a letter about wanting to see him and Ben and his little fostered playmate and future fuck bud founf it and read it. He's taking it fucking well. Him and the young one having an adult conversation about it in the Hungry Pig. Considering the pro's and con's and that. Having a considered conversation and weighing up his choices before going back to the parents. Fuck the actual fuck off. He's a kid. He'd have freaked out reading he was adopted from a fucking letter!<br />
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AND it's that time of year again - the annual Fair City question "When are they going to kill so and so off". Have you noticed how fucking OFTEN people die in real life and FC don't bother to kill them off for months? Most memorable were Hannah who was dead possibly years, and my personal favourite Eunis - fucking about in the <a href="http://iheartfaircity.blogspot.ie/2010/06/old-posts_729.html" target="_blank">Bahamas ala Weekend at Bernies</a> (Yeah, I reused a joke, but it's a fucking KNEE SLAPPER)<br />
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And finally - Delores' new haircut looks like this:<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-2658956805941201842014-04-18T03:48:00.002-07:002014-04-18T03:48:29.599-07:00NOTHING worse than texting in the darkBob and Judith are now living together. They have been going out about 5 minutes. And Tommy is going crazy now that he knows he's not getting her back. These two things lead me to the conclusion she has a golden vagina. Clearly Dr. Dillon has been doing her kegles. Tommy's descent into madness is centred around creepily texting and ringing her from a dark room. <br />
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Two weeks ago Orla found out she was pregnant. That she was 5 months pregnant. One of those 'I didn't know I was pregnant' ones where she had no symptoms, or bump nathin. Except as soon as she found out she became the most pregnant of pregnant women ever. HUGE bump, fully waddling and complaining about the pain of kicking. What did she think the kicking was before? A particularly active shite? LITTLE bit complicated in the fact that Wayne is not the father, poor Wayne is shooting blanks. Unlike Tommy Dillon who is the actually baby daddy. But he's too busy texting and wanking in the dark room to notice. <br />
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Mondo's girlfriend is about 50. You can trowel on as much makeup as you want, but she is. And Mondo has fucked off but they have decided to keep her in it. She is the most vapid tool I have come across in a long time on FC, which is saying a LOT, so I have no idea why they decided to keep her. And they have made her mates with Ama, another fucking waste of time. Ama is worse than Kerri-Anne. All she does is meet people in the street, and give heavily accented advice. Nothing else. Oh, and talk about being a nurse. Hopefully the pair of them will start lezzin out and make it a bit more interesting.<br />
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Niamh's one night stand working for Paul. The infamous youngfella of the Lighting her up like a Christmas Tree fame has decided to pack in his high flying job in the hospitality industry for the bright lights of Paul's garage.<br />
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Clutching<br />
At<br />
Straws<br />
For Storylines.....<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-18667342259778258992014-02-16T13:08:00.001-08:002014-02-16T13:08:31.723-08:00I LEARNED MEMES!! Fairly fucking obviously........Gwan Niamh ya dirty slapper. One night out and straight on the cock. Pity ya wouldn't. All she's had to bone in years is egg head Paul, and he's had a pile of affairs. And the hilarious part is that Paul never even rode Jane this time. The boy who cried whore or something. You can't blame Niamh for thinking he did. His track record shows that he has dropped the sausage in quite a few holes.<br />
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TAKE NOTICE JOB SEEKERS. The job of the century in the charity shop. I mean it has to be - Jo and AIDSy Laura are baitin each other over it. It's a war of wills with Laura on one side with her manly ways and lesbian hand actions, and Jo with her hilarious habits and squeaky angry voice on the other. Laura man hands is the angriest charity giver ever. Bull thick and determined to be the Donald Trump of charity work. She's consumed with it being THE BEST FUCKING CHARITY SHOP IN THE WORLD. So much so that she's buying stock in. Using money from the till and buying stock in. Doesn't that just make it a shop........<br />
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Tonight's episode saw a 'let's be friends' meal with the two charity shop warriors, and in fairness there was a good bit of war between the two cunts. It was to be expected. Strangely enough the centrepiece of the fucking scene was Esther's pavlova. A couple of camera angles, a few mentions and the centre of the table. I also now know that pavlova involves meringue. DAMN, they were proud of the fucking pavlova. Fucking delighted with it. And it the most skittery lump of a yolk.<br />
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Tommy and Jane are enjoying a rideationship of convenience. I doubt they like each other very much, but no ones riding them so they might as well ride each other. It's not even a hate fuck. It's more of a 'I have genitals, you have genitals' kinda of a set up. They sit around in the McCoys or the Station looking bored, and clearly thinking 'Is it too early to go home for the ride now? Ah, let's pretend I find this fun. Fuck sake can we go ride now?'<br />
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SPEAKING OF HATE FUCKS. Bob is a cunning little lothario. He's mad to get in Judith but regular methods are failing. So, he's going to get his way through forcing her into a hate fuck. A risky little game, but I think the salt n pepper seducer is well up for it.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-32418590139288915362014-01-22T14:11:00.001-08:002014-01-22T14:11:34.116-08:00Old times, rapey love and schrawmy eyesFair City is shite these days. And not shite in the normal way, shite acting and story lines cumulating in hilarity. It's shite. No crazy storyline going on, nathin.<br />
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I miss the good old days when people got penis cancer all the time. When Floyd was riding his sister. When they visited pissy pants Rita in the nursing home - an actor so bad, that even in Fair City she was banned from speaking, confined to nodding in her PJ's and pissin her knickers in the home. A time when Leo was married to that daft Russian cunt Lana and when Rachel still tried throwing in a fake skanger accent.<br />
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Fair City is meant to be about the daftness, and it's just not there at the moment. Bring back the shite I say!!<br />
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What IS happeining is:<br />
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<b>Yvonne and Carol</b> are best mates cause Yvonne got raped. That's it like. Yvonne is taking being raped very badly - it's almost being well done. Almost. Not quite. You know what's NOT a good thing to do to someone who's all jumpy and shit after being raped? Get yourself a key to their house and let yourself in unannounced. No one would do that, right? Except Carol. For some reason Yvonne's sworn enemy has a key to the apartment and lets herself in unannounced all the time.<br />
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By the looks of things Yvonne is gonna start boning Carol's ex Dan. Ugh, I can see it now. All her being raped issues are just going to dissolve because of the love of a good man. Fuck sake did she FORGET she was a fish eater anyway?<br />
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<b>Wayne and Orla</b> are fighting over the fact she's his boss. Fuck off the pair of ye - your only lucky anyone wants to ride either if ye anyway. And maybe wrap up, use the pill, a coil and the patch cause the thought of offspring like Wayne would make ya gag. VOM.COM<br />
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<b>Kerri Anne</b>, Mondo's girlfriend is possibly the closest we have to the usual Fair City absurdity. Not even just because it's a 50 year old woman made up to look like a girl in her 20's. Mainly because she's the full tilt of gobshite. Not a normal person. She's having a full mental break down because Mondo is gone to visit his daughter. Full. Mental. Breakdown. YET, still has the time to go and do then monstrosity of a hair and trowel on the makeup?<br />
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<b>Rachel</b> is getting bullied. I for one am only DELIGHTED. In real life bullying is terrible. Down with that sort of thing. Bullying in Fair City of that jumped up little tramp is beautiful. He's annoys my flange. Raising your eyebrows and looking worried as you speak is NOT acting. That's all she does. Fucking eyebrow furrower of the year. Long may she be bullied - might knock some of the Billy Barry kid out out her!<br />
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NEW CHARACTER ALERT. The ferocious, evil, badminded...........<br />
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Goo Eyes<br />
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Yeah, fucking GOOEYES. Where does a criminal even GET a name like that? Conjunctivitis? Running round doing armed robberies with sawn off shotguns and schrawmy eyes?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5859459743610099377.post-35562328329227466452014-01-12T13:35:00.004-08:002014-01-12T13:35:47.171-08:00Fuck goblinI KNEW no one would want to bone Paul Brennan that much! Turns out Callum's mother only wanted money. Well, she wants money and has also had the WORST reaction to a one night stand in the world. I know, some of you might say the worst reaction to a one nighter is pregnancy, and it is, but she had THAT bad reaction and is UBER bitter with Paul. She has taken GREAT offence to the fact that he was NOT in love with her after a drunken bang! How VERY dare he! HE MUST PAY FOR NOT LOVING HER.<br />
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Also, World's Worst Mother award for her. Blackmailing is all fine and well but she's made her son think she's dying from cancer. Her son who recently enough lost his stepfather. To cancer. And how many fucks does she give? Not very many. Actually, she gives precisely no fucks. The last fuck she did give was probably the one she gave to egg head Paul that got her up the duff with poor Callum. Ah jibes, she gave a PILE of fucks to Tommy, and I have a feeling this little fuck goblin* is not shy of cock........<br />
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Jane is pretending to be riddled with cancer which can only be cured in Germany. She needs 40,000 for this treatment, and she needs it now cause she's going tomorrow. She even told Paul her plan. But she'll be back in a few weeks after the treatment has been successful. Good luck with that one Paul. It's totally going to be the end of that. Crazy lady is going to come back and thank you for playing her blackmail game, she had a great holiday and life is good.<br />
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So Charlie's horrifically ginger grandson is back, and as my petition to get all gingers sterilised has not worked its magic, he has come back with a child. The poor unfortunate blind (I presume) girl he cajoled into the ride not only hid her pregnancy from her parents, but hid the child from them too. Usually I would express my shock at Fair City making up as ridiculous storyline as this. But I say yeah, fair enough. Look at him. I'd have disowned the child too.<br />
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Esther is only creaming the beaver over the child too. In fairness she's not used to babies with all their limbs correct and attached, so I suppose you can forgive her for wanting TJ and the sprog to stay.<br />
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As it turns out it's not that simple. TJ's girlfriend was terrified to tell her family she was up the duff. So much so that she hid her entire pregnancy and birth, then gave the child to the father to be raised gingerly while she goes about her business. Then out of the blue she phones to let TJ know she told her family, they accept her fully, they want TJ and the baby there and they have him a job. Eh, yup. About right. Cause that's how life turns out. They better be back baby in tow fairly sharpish or this may just qualify as Fair City's biggest non story to date........<br />
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Mondo's girlfriend is all levels of fucking flute. That's it like, she's a flute. From her flutey hair to her flutey voice and the fact that she has NO personality past being a flute. She's a flute like.<br />
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*All rights to Fuck Goblin are given to a Sligo cunt............<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0