Lucy, Wayne's anorexic, feltch-mouthed girlfriend. First, her introduction is fucked up. She has Jessica Molloy's freaking eyes. Yes - she was given Jessica's cornea's after the toddler died tragically due to a yolks related mishap. Fucking toddler druggies - the worst kind, ya wake up in the morning liga crumbs all over the shop, nappies thrown to the side from them and their random druggy baby lovers, soothers chewed down to nubs......
So she has Jessica's eyes - what's the most obvious next step? A heartfelt letter thanking the mother of the donor? Maybe, just not snazzy enough! A meeting with the donor family? Almost!!! I KNOW - LET'S FUCKING MOVE IN! In fairness, Delores is to Carrigstown as Irene is to Summer Bay, and is well known in her young girl hoarding exploits, but sure SHE can see the fucking oddness of this. I know someone who had a transplant, and well, let's just say there is no way in hell I can see him packing up his bags and landing on the door of the donors family saying 'HONEY I'M HOME'
But she did. Now, forgive me if I'm wrong ( I have missed a lot) but is her only 'dark past' that she spent some time in a mental home? You'll have to work a BIT harder Fair City. Do you KNOW how many people have spent time in space cadet camp? LOTS. Only the other day I was waiting on my lift from work only to have an elderly man in a pair of slippers scream at me from across the street. He was looking for Declan - I was not Declan, hope Declan turned up. Aw, I just realised Declan is totally dead........
And it's just not explained well either. Why is she with Wayne even though she never liked him at first and was creaming over Damian. Is it to get closer to Delores? And if that is the case......WHY?!?! you creepy fucker? I mean, we all know that Delores has an unmissable sexual prowess, hell I've often fantasised about some day seductively locking the door to the charity shop and just getting down right lesbionic on a second hand chaise longue but CONTROL yourself woman! In keeping with her Delores obsession, Lucy has now decided she hates Olly Murs Pete. I'd watch out Olly Murs Pete!!! She could ruin your failing pop career thriving handiman business with her loony ways!!!!
If I had to pick between Damian and Wayne like Lucy did I'd wonder who I'd chose? Voluptuous, hands in the pocket-shuffling Damian, or floppy haired, does the voiceovers for everything on the radio Wayne? Think I'd have a Waymian sandwish, wonder where Damian puts his hands when he has no pockets?
The other psycho is Charlotte. Now we all know that teenagers are cunts. It's in their nature. All they do is be cunts, act like gobshites, complain, hump each other, have spots and get drunk. ( SO glad I'm no longer a teenager, my life has come a long way............) Well this one is the cuntiest of cunts. They are kind of depicting a kind of teenage girl relationship which DOES exist (2 friends who actually hate each other but are 'best friends') But neither actress seem to pull it off. All the scenes for the teenagers smack ( OH YEAH, going hibrow here!) of a a group of writers who really haven't a clue about teenagers. A case if 'let's put them in going out clothes, give them fake ID's and send them to a party. that's what the young 'uns do right?'. No thought for the fact that they went to a party in one of the busiest pubs in town. No thought for the fact that they were sat in a pub where the STAFF knew them. No thought for the fact that Greham's hair was ENOUGH to get them barred for life?
Not many haircuts need 2 pictures to show their glory. It's like mullet that got lost. Fucking idiot. This hair actually offends me. This little twat bag wants people's eyes raped every time we view him. It's in fact so offensive that it took me a few views to realise that he was even ginger - AHHHHHH Now I see what you did there Greham! DISTRACT THEM - A gingers best ally!! Still, Greham, fuck you.
Charlotte and Rachel have now moved on to the 'sexual awakening', 'bush lushing', 'fucking annoying' stage of puberty. I know I have in the past alluded to the fact that it would be hilarious for Rachel and Charlies grandson to bone - but that was only funny when they were 12. She is 16/17 now and salami sitting is a possibility. Except for the fact that you can TELL the actress is a little bit mortified in case people think she really is a bit of a smelly hooker child.
But how is Charlotte a freek?
- Charlotte pipped Rachel to the cock, and had a good auld go of Greham first. Wonder if he styles his pubes in the same way??? The little tramp of an actress basically admitted to giving him a blow job. Rachel giggled (cause she didn't know it was studly Greham), while you could see the actress who played her die a little inside, safe in the knowledge that her granny would be watching later..........
- She is part of the Bishop gang. Things like being part of a terrorist style kidnap/interrogation of Caoimhe Dillon. (Was great! Bag on the head, arms tied up, little bit of water torture - granny in the background, just like they do it in Iraq........)
- Kind of being in love with Paul there for a while - although, who can blame her? I mean we all love eggs, who DOESN'T love a man with an egg shaped head?
- Being a devious little shit constantly working in the background to ruin Rachel's happiness, out of sheer jealousy.
What is to happen to the two crazy bitches? I would predict, but fuck you Fair City I could also see them completely forgetting about their craziness altogether.............
