A lil trip down memory lane......

So, in a conversation online, I saw a load of people question where Paul got all his kids from, and it got me thinking............

WHO GOT A SEX TROPHY FROM PAUL?
Rachel - Helen
Callum - Jane
Oisin - Niola
Ruth - Yvonne

Paul has 4 children (That we KNOW of.......) from 4 different baby mammas - let's talk about how these things happened

Rachel - well Rachel was the daughter of Paul and his much loved Helen, Bella Doyle's daughter. Helen was at one stage engaged to be married to a man called Mike, but jilted him at the alter for Paul

Mike: You know this means I'm entitled to anal now?

Helen: Ehhhhhhh......

Ruth - SPEAKING of Mike...... Once left by Helen, Mike decided to stay around, and low and behold what did he find? Yvonnes gee!! Yes, only Helen's very own sister!! So on he hopped and off they went. They eventually broke up, and he fucked off. Leaving Yvonne to bone about and tuna bump as she wished. Along her little RIDE along, she had a little peen on vej action with Paul, and VOILA - Ruthie!!! Poor Niamh can't have kids, and found it in her heart to keep Paul's love child as she couldn't have her own.

(Yes, 2 sisters, shared 2 men, and both had kids with 1 of those men)

Paul then tried to press them together like Barbies "KISS. EACH. OTHER"

Oisin - Before Niamh, Paul was married to the utterly shrill, sharp and bony Nicola. They all worked together with Donal in Blue Dolphin, omputer boffins that they are! Now, in Blue Dolphin Paul boned Niamh, and Nicola, THEN Nicola also boned Donal - Blue movie more like - am I right!! While they weren't inserting floppy discs into each other's ports they were 'creating packages' for all of Dublin - forever with the packages...... Anyway, while married to Nicola they produced spawn, called Oisin, the slimy result of which can be seen on our screens now (Oisin, not the spunk slime or anything like that.....)

Young Entrepreneur Oisin tryin to sell his mother

Callum - Out of the blue, along comes Callum. The result of a 1 night stand with Jane years ago. It's the normal route - Girl meets boy, boy impregnates boy, Girl has baby boy, Baby boy grows up and finds Dad, Mother moves to live nearer son, son leaves, mother stays for fuck all reason.............

In Paul's ridey defence - the ONE time he resisted riding, he was accused and blackmailed about it any - suppose it just proves he might as well keep it up (IT, being his penis)

Katie and the never fucking ending kidnapping

Has anyone ever felt so sorry for a kidnapper as you have for Ciaran? I swear to God I hope he gets away with it - poor cunt, with the dead sister and all. He managed to talk Eoghan O'Brien down from a literal ledge, in a sad shadow of what no one could do for his own sister. Although she was technically kidnapped, he was mostly lovely to Katie, with moments of sweetness and care you can see he had most likely, previously reserved for his own younger sister. Doesn't hurt he's a big old ride as well........... Not sure I'd be half as enamoured had Michael kidnapped someone.......

Speaking of which, Michael is the biggest gimp in the world - 1. Sort yourself out ya clown and take of that FUCKING jumper  2. Get the chip off yer shoulder 3. Man up and stop being such a selfish son of a bitch.

Background to the kidnapping
Cathal, as a character - what a WANK BAG. He blames the O'Briens for the death of his father (the crime lord and all round horrible fuck who, to be honest, didn't even seem to like Cathal.) so makes it his life business to ruin their lives, make shit horrible for them, and bank wank all over their already shitty time of it.
At the same time, Ciaran has a hatred of Michael O'Brien - who dumped his little sister years ago, and she then took her own life. He blames Michael for the whole thing and kidnapped Katie as revenge, to make Michael feel what he felt. To make him feel responsible for his sisters dissapearance. unfortunately, Michael, while giving a fuck, mostly just acted the weak gobshite and ignored the whole situation

Paul Shagbag Brennan gets his CUMuppance (Get it?)
AND my favourite part - Eggy headed Paul Brennan looks like he MIGHT finally be getting what he deserves.
Or.... well, what he DESERVES is a bog kick to his presumable rotting from STI's crotch. SUCH a bad case of OCD - Overactive Cock Disorder. I have a theory tho, maybe he's NOT the whoremeister we think - he possibly just has undiagnosed Parkinsons and just vibrates his way into vaginas?

Niamh has finally been thrown over the edge. Too many affairs Paul, too many affairs....... I dunno how these two have ever had time to ride each other they've had to many affairs (mainly him, granted) Maybe that's the real reason Niamh can't get pregnant - he's already emptied the tank around the place earlier.

Actual footage of one of Paul's beatches

Luckily for Niamh, Dermotsch is riddled with liver cancer and has moments left to live!!! For actual fuck sake tho, I know she's helping him too, but SUCH a horrible bit of opportunism. The pair have managed to take all of Paul's money and have it 'resting' in their account. I really really  want them to get away with it all. He's such a hateful little shite, how he pulls so many women, I'll never know. 

And I know, I know, I've given him a hard time in the past, but poor Ben must have the unluckiest life in Carrigstown - abandoned by his bio Mum, only to be adopted by fucking Jo of all people, then he parents split up a few times, he gets a life threatning disease, his mother leaves his father for good and THEN his father dies...... Poor lil cunt

Still annoying as all fuck that kid tho.......

Oh, Meredith...........

We need to talk about Meridith. What the actual fuck is she?

I think that the character is intended  to be a whirlwind of American sex appeal and glamour.
She is in fact a terrible Jessica Rabbit-esque character. Sounds like a compliment, but I can assure you, it's not. What looks like a sexy walk on the cartoon, is very different when undertaken by a middle aged woman, surrounded by the most Irish of Irish actors. She walks out of a room swinging her arse from side to side, and I swear, I'm worried she's going to knock nearby children and send them flying. She doesn't have a big arse, just she's that ridiculous.

Luckily, Meredith has a rich backstory to enjoy, and was introduced as a character years before she swaggered onto our screens. The thought, foresight, planning an genius!! Imagine this: Wayne, young and virile, married an exotic dancer in Vegas one night........ And, eh, ya, it's Meredith!

Oh, yes, how could this go without further delving into this sophisticate and exploring the character fully..........

When Meredith arrived in (fairly fucking randomly enough) Carrigstown, she made short work of becoming buddies with Wayne's wife and family. She wrangled a wedding invite from Doug to the big double wedding of the year and proceeded to NOT only entertain everyone there with her brash American ways, but to be invited to sing at the wedding reception. Not only that, but Delores and Orla were positively enchanted with her.
Imma just call bullshit on that.
I have an Irish Mammy, so my thoughts on Delores' reaction to Meredith's ridiculousness at the wedding, well it's bullshit.
Just please, imagine being at a wedding. An Irish wedding, full of aunts and uncles, friends, the priest, grandparents, the lot. And this random, loud, flamboyant stranger decides to sit at your table, flirt outrageously, talk of exotic dancing, and fling her tits around in skimpy clothes.

Now think of your Mam's reaction.......... Seriously, think about it.

Is it a big happy head, and clapping, as Dramatico El Whoro continues to drape herself across 20 year old Doug, all heaving bosom and winks? Nah, it's not.......
Poor Doug has it bad as well. Meredith has an exotic dancing show, and he went every night. There are better ways to pay for getting your rocks off. Also, does he just sit there being all horny? Or leave immediately for a wank? These are things I think about when you hear of men going to strip clubs. Don't worry, I'm not against them, I just don't understand the boner logistics - you surely can't wank there? And then by the time you get home, surely you've lost the horn? Or am I missing the point?

Heh, point...........

Kerri-Anne is such a dose. No seriously, she is the biggest pain in the hole ever. I know I'm repeating myself, but her whole existence since she arrived is to be a girlfriend, speak only of love/relationships/boys and over pronounce the s at the end of every sentenccccccccccccccce. Once you hear this, you can no longer unhear itshhhhhhhhhhhhh.
She fell in love with Decco, but has made the poor cunt jump through the most daft hoops. Unless everything is fairy tale perfect she throws a diva strop, all doe eyes and victim chat. Just the most annoying shite, e.g. she made him think she was standing him up at the alter, just for him to bend over backwards to tell her he loved her, from behind the door of Leos. Just pointless, he proposed, he let you demand a faster wedding, he's a fan, just put the fucking dress on ya sickener! It's utterly grating, especially when paired with the pronunciation issue she hasssss.

For this rushed, needlessly drama filled wedding, a whole heap of the Bishops arrived for the wedding, including the original and still the best - Zumo. I actually really like the Bishop family, without KerriAnne obviously. She's too needy, moral, and makes Decco an awful pleb with all his pandering. Bring back the granny, throw out KA, and bring back Zumo's massive face lump!

In other news Zumo transformed himself over in Spain. He does look great, but STAP WITH THE EYEBROWS!! Fucking hell, he's got brows that would make an instagramer jealous!

Finally, clearly Paul is about to ride Farrah. Her kiss with Wayne was clearly the gateway affair to the full on ridey affair with Paul. And as for Paul, well he rarely goes too long without riding or impregnating someone, so really, it's been on the cards for a while now. Basically all that's left to happen is how, and more importantly, how they get found out.
My bet is on expertly taken dick pics: Farrah, living out the photography dream, accidentally adds beautifully lit sepia coloured photos of Paul's Penis.

Classy tho, sunsets in the background and whatnot.......

Affairs and internet worries

Genuine theory!!!
Pat Mustard from Father Ted fame - is ACTUALLY future Tommy Dillon! I have noticed the similarities before, but it looks like Tommy is starting on Carrigstown affair No. 2 - the tentative steps towards becoming the MILF-float-fucker from Craggy Island!! It's like we're watching a prequel! Shagman Begins! He starts as a love lorn lover, and evolves into the energetic bone bananza man through a series of married women. Not all supermen wear a cape lads.

On the topic of his new affair with Debbie........
Now I've never had an affair (clearly my boyfriend reads this......) but I know if I DID, I'd put clothes on BEFORE leaving the sex stank room I just bumped uglies in. Debbie was basically still wiping herself off as she came out of the room. Where is the subtlety lads? Is it not enough to have them kiss and go into a room, and emerge after? Instead they have to come out stuffing their genitals back into their clothes - Irish public couldn't have worked it out alone.

And Dermot........ Ah here, I know that hi wife randomly left him for another man, but calm your tits dude. He's the Nancy Drew of Tommy Dillon's balls - magnifying glass out looking for clues. He's about to uncover the uber secretive duo if its the last thing he does!

TOPIC OF THE WEEK!! DANGERS OF THE INTERNET
When it rains it pours - everyone has downloaded a dating app. It's called Just Dating, genuinely disapointed - the last time our Carrigstown buddies used an hilarious version of Bebo - I think it was Meemo, or Debo, something hilarious anyway - I was hoping for Twinder, or Plenty of Pork, or Flinder...... This is in addition to Katie meeting a girl who is shady about deleting her Facebook. More generic and easy to predict storylines to come.......... Catfishing and bullying. You heard it here first.

Oisin Attacks

There has been such a hiatus in my blog posts I have no idea where to start!

The major storylines of the moment revolve around Rachel, Paul and Oisin, the 1916 Rising, Dan wanting to come back to Carrigstown and giving Ama another man related storyline - that's all she's there for. FFS.
For now, I'll deal with the Rachel shite

To backup a little bit, Rachel went on holiday and got that fringed jacket she never takes off herself, a boyfriend and the work ethic and business smarts of her auld lad.
Pierce and Rachel looked as though they were going to be the world's most amazing and perfect couple, but things turned sour fast. In a couple of days they went from business-running power-couple, to Pierce robbing her and pissin off to Australia.
We haven't heard the last of him, and you can be guaranteed that the cock-struck Rachel will be back swinging off him as soon as he is back.
Currently, the world has thrown her a shocking deal and she's all empowered and whatnot - off to rule with an iron fringe and be the epitome of strong woman (until Pierce comes back and she decides it's sound to take back the lad who stole from you and ran away to Australia )

For now, Rachel 'Trump' Brennan has put all her hopes, dreams and energy into The Pod - the overnight success hostel her Daddy gave her. She's all BOOM, business idea here, BAM, making contacts there, and WHOMP-cunning-decision-making all over the shop
ALAS, along comes Oisin to stir the shite pot.

Shocked to learn that another one of his kids is a fuck bucket, Paul is on a mission to get him on the straight and narrow. Little does he know that Oisin and Nicola have all this planned in order to get in on that sweet sweet Brennan money. I've a feeling that Nicola may be wanting more than his money - unless he has attached all that money to his cock.

Little known fact, the actor who now plays Oisin is the same actor who played the woman at the start of Mars Attacks. Fact.









Slight segue - I know that Oisin has been in Cork for the past few years, but I would presume that Paul at least visited him? They seem to be fucking meeting each other for the first time.  And how many kids does poor barren Niamh have to stepmother? For a lad married to a woman with an ornamental vagina he's got a hape of kids out there. Not only this, but the absence of the all powerful baldy headed semen slingshot of North Dublin clearly turns kids into evil little shites.

All about Heather! Past and Present

  

Heather is a freak. Older posts on here HERE

If you can't remember her back story here it is:

Rene gets all sexy with some lad from her past. Lad shoots it in her and she gets pregnant. Adoption next, as Ryanair wasn't around then with their cheap flights to Ye Old Abortion town. Rene is shockingly told that her baby is dead, and carries on with life, however heartbroken. Has 2 more kids, in wedlock, with Christie.

Heather, the presumed dead baby, comes back to look for her birth Mum - Rene is delighted and they all live happily for a bit. That is, until Heather meets her half brother and decides that she'd love nothing more than to sit on his face. And that she does. LOADS of face-sitting and other types of incestuous fun. But all great and fucking disgusting things must come to an end, which it did after the death of Floyd. Which Heather had basically planned in cahoots with her doctor husband. They euthanised poor incestuous and cancerous Floydy - and Heather went off into the sunset with her happy go lucky killer hubby. 

Then she comes back, her own kid in tow ready to ride her sister's husband and wreck general havoc. 

 

Heather is distraught at Floyd's funeral when she realises she has no more brothers to fuck

On her return, she began by cultivating a storyline with her friends and family. 

Her first novel was successful and based in Carrigstown, sure why not have another go? 

She started writing a book in which, again, she used real life events, but this time manipulating things to create excitement i.e. riding her half sister's husband. She quickly got caught out.

However, she caught the manipulation bug, and she really hates Farrah. A LOT for someone who should be trying to make amends for shagging her husband.

She's now trying to create an illness with her child, clearly not happy with Farrah's constant one-upmanship. Starting when Ellie had her appendix out (which actually did happen), and following with, eh, she's just........ 'she's not feeling well'. 

There is literally nothing else said about the child's diagnosis/symptoms/illness. 

FYI as a former fat kid, you do anything for that next lillipop, and she's getting one in the doctors every time - it's a slippery slope Heather! 

Speaking of slippery slopes Heather has a bit of a thing for the current doctor, watch out Ama!!! Heather will do anything to get what she wants and create drama. Drugging the daughter and all. 

When I said Slippery Slope - I was talking about her vagina. Just in case.........

Finally, she hates Farrah for no real reason. Bones one sibling and hates the other. Unless it's BECAUSE she was the one that was adopted? Maybe she purposely pretended to love Floyd so she could kill him? Is Farrah the next on her list? Bed yet another doctor in order to put down yet another sibling?