Wednesday 16 September 2015

CAR CRASH TV

See what I did there? ACTUAL car crash on the car crash TV


WONDERFUL

Ben, Dermot and Bob got injured in a surprisingly not utterly shit episode.

Ben almost died because...... Ugh, where do I even start? Ah, from the ride, sure why not!

Ben was the result of his original Mam getting the ride on a married man, I'm not even sure which married man. I think possibly it was (wait for it......) Renee's adopted daughter's husband the doctor? Remember her? Heather, the one that rode her brother Floyd? I know, I know, SUCH a feckin cliche!!!
She didn't want her lil sex trophie, so gave it to the barren from utter bitchiness Jo. Jo and Dermotsch raise child as their own, annoying little flute.
The original Mam, Mayo Deirdre, came back a few years later and kidnapped him, but gave him back. I'd have returned the annoying little shit myself to be honest. Five minutes of his gammy little accent and I'd be looking for childhood euthanasia. Smarmy litte shit.
The Offensive Little Cunt

She clearly went demented again and forgot how annoying he was and is back for custody. War war war!!!! Jo tutting and clucking away, Dermotsch squinting his little beady eyes all over the shop - all the normal shite. Solicitors, exclaimations of 'YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM' and 'YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MUM''s abound. Typical bollox.

Until now.........

A, frankly, fucking retarded mixup occurs when Jo and Dermot listen to the ramblings of their uber nosey, earwigging, half story listening foster child, to come to the conclusion that Deirdre was bringing Ben off to Australia when she was in fact just going to Mayo (You know they have no internet in Mayo? Just another up to date, awesome and totes legit issue Fair City is shining a light on.

The mixup lead to dramatic driving, close up shots of Dermotsch's face in the rear view mirror and then a genuinely exciting car crash scene with overturned car and dramatics and EVERYTHING.

Ah, then it got shite again. The TV Equivalent of shooting the load........ The cleanup is depressing and you've to pretend it's all just grand..........

Carraigstown bounded into action.
Guards!
Ambulance!
Dying 9 year olds!
Demands of neck braces and boards! (Because it must have been the fucking paramedics first day on the job, and before the doc gave them this advice they were actually wandering in with dildo's and doughnuts)

                                            Awkward time for Ben to have his first erection

Surprising heroes of the day? Hughie and Rachel's new genital smasher Philip! Side question - where did Hughie's alcoholism go? Last time he was a broken man, now he's back and functioning away. Impressive stuff. He's clearly now got money. It's that old saying tho, 'Give an alcoholic a pile of money, and he'll make a real serious go of it, and make good financial decisions' Way to stay true to life lads!

As good as Philip was at the accident, his "Bob's ankle is definitely broken" comment was a tad obvious. Really? Sure all he had was a car sitting on it? And sure the fire brigade lifted that like? Pssshhh, Bob, you playin!!! Pure compo, I'd have shaken that one off...........

SPEAKING of Philip and Rachel. The once timid school girl went on a post leaving cert trip, and came back a woman. A big, horny, mad for the ride woman. I just can't cope with this one. She annoys the bollox off me. In a show of shitty actors, she over acts, more than that, she over REacts. It's all mouth opening, eye bulging, actively watching.
Well she's off with Philip for a while. Good riddance. Wonder when she'll return? And in what state! Married? Preggo? Full of AIDS? Stay tuned!

Elsewhere:
Dan joined the wheelchair basketball team. I would have thought this would be like any basketball team, except in wheelchairs

FUCK NO!!
WE MUST BE THE BEST! TRAIN HARD! SERIOUS SHIT! NO MESSIN! GET BACK TRAINING! ONLY THE BEST SURVIVE!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

The most intense team and league in the world. Any chance Dan is going to ride his new coach? Ah no, sure they wouldn't be that obvious!!
(Insert image if her straddling his wheelchair here)