Quiffs, pornos and epileptics!

Carol is making a hard play to keep her man. For all of you out there who want to know how to keep the spark alive in a relationship spanning a whole year - here are her top "keeping yo man" tips.

1. Put in a massive quiff  (Yes, QUIFF). I suppose the height of the hair is supposed to remind your man of the height of his erection - so get em up girls.......
2. Chew gum. There is nothing sexier than a slack jawed, slurping, middle aged skanger. She likes to keep her mouth fresh for the fellatio, working the jaw muscles at all times. Remember to slurp it it as you speak! (The gum AND the cum)
3. Face painting. As much eyeliner as possible, LOADS of blusher and you just go ahead and paint a lovely red circle around that blow job apparatus you call a mouth. Draws attention to the mouth. Your dirty, dirty, whorish mouth..........
4. Spread them whenever, where ever. If you can get him to bone that quiff outta your hair on the couch in the middle of the afternoon - you do that. 

Louis, Bob, Ingrid, Renee, Carol - this whole thing, eugh, I don't know. The story is Louis and Bob hate each other. Bob and Renee might get back together. Carol and Ingrid hate each other because Carol knows Ingrid has the horn for Louis and, well, Ingrid has the horn for Louis. Also, that Ingrid wears an unholy amount of highligher and bronzer..........

REALLY glad Renee is back. Sad that she started doing her roots. REALLY REALLY glad that she is back selling wines. That is exactly the same thing Bob was doing a few years ago - you watch, she'll be trying to sell Bulgarian apartments followed by a brief stint as a homeless person and the newest owner of the Hungry Pig with a crazy need for revenge against Louis. Sometimes I think FC should be called Deja Vu.......... 

Delores is the most reactive actress ever. Every line that she is not saying she reacts to - her favourite moves are the eyebrow raise/lip pout combo and the lip bite. She's like a one woman mime. She's gone into over drive with the whole Lucy situation - she looks like an epileptic playing video games, under a fluorescent light in a club.

And as for poor, demented, crazy jaws Lucy. So revelation of the week - it wasn't her who had to cornea transplant - it was her mother!!! Dun, dun duuuuuuuun!! Her defence is that she never actually said that she was the one who received the transplant. Oh how I wish I could watch look back and see if this is true. I may be wrong here but I am calling bullshit on that one. Bitch SAID he had the transplant, I'm sure of it! But instead of, you know, bothering their holes with previous episodes - they are gonna just go ahead and say she never said it, because, you know, fuck it. Although I may be wrong - Fair City is the ULTIMATE in long, drawn out storylines.

Alsom Dermotsch is FAR too open with his son - Ben wants to stay up late and Dermotsch's reason to not let him is "Daddy time" "Daddy time is when Daddy might want to watch a more grown up movie" We ALL know what that means Dermot! Ya DURT. You should not be telling your 6 year old child this. Maybe his imagination doesn't yet conjure up images of Dermot having a posh wank on the couch while watching Dude, Where' my Dildo, The Dark Knob Rises  or his personal favourite, Mary Popitintheanus - but it will!