After an Eastenders' style ending the previous night, the episode opened on Niamh telling Paul that she's been sexin' Michael, is in love with him and is leaving Paul to move in with him across the road. (Cause Dublin has no other areas and commuting doesn't exist)
DELIGHTED this was referenced again
Jibes about Niamh's barrenness were the highlight. That's it Paul, kick her right in the womb! (Metaphorically, not like a cunt punch or anything, although that would have really made the scene POP. )
Thankfully, Michael eventually turned up.
Then, like it was a fucking film, batings in the street with a lead pipe ensued. Best fight ever. With ninja quick reflexes Michael managed to dodge each and every one of baldy headed STREET FIGHTER Paul's shots. Rachel finally stopped the fighting when she THREW herself in front of the lead pipe (I'm over using the words head pipe, I'm just still so shocked they went with it......)
Wow, see Rachel put herself in danger to stop the fight? Possibly she didn't want to see her father in jail? Maybe she just hated fighting? Maybe it was the violence she abhorred? Nope, wet crotch Rachel only bothered about her horn for Michael. I hope she rides him at a later date.
Yvonne finally finishes the fight when she announces that Ruth is now safe in Michael and Niamh's flat, and that it's over Paul!!! Eh, I thought they were fighting over Niamh's ginge minge? Turns out Paul was on a quest to find his daughter as the residents tried to get her to a safe house. So he took the defeat and let Niamh run off with Micheal.
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Paul V Michael Screen shot.
As a side note they treat Ruth like it's real life. The child is completely unaware that she's doing anything more than fecking about at random kitchen tables drawing shit. Niamh is the worst.That child is going to be so fucked.
Over with the Phelans, Christy is still PHELAN rough (GET IT!) Farrah's husband Max is now the caregiver. Doesn't even have lines, he just gets told to bring Christy for baths and wipe his mouth. Or stands there looking uncomfortable. Christy went straightfrom hating being cared for and hating losing his independence to being the most entitled stroke victim ever. Max just staring at him, look of hatred on his face while Christy calls for him, Maa-ahh-aaaxxx, like a child. Well he got his chance to get one over on him. Christy suffered another stroke while sitting on the couch, tried to stand up, fell over, and from the looks of things died straight away. Max saw all this and still went to the pub. Such was his hatred for Christy he couldn't even help him. I know being a carer is hard work Max, but maybe don't let them die day 1?
The problem with this is that Max is such a non character, why bother giving him the story? Within the same episode they made him carer, a carer who hated his position and then, not so much a murderer but a huge prick at least. All the while barely any lines. I don't get it.
It's important to act fast with stroke. Please refrain from having a pint before dealing with a stroke victim. What's that? Premier League started? Eh, maybe ring FROM the pub? Leave the door on the latch or something. Be grand
So off he goes to the pub. In fairness to him he sat there shiftily. No one noticed of course, but he gave the whole 'I may have just killed my father in law look' at every chance. ( You KNOW the look, it's a classic)
Farrah is obsessed with pints. And a grandchild for her Da. Because "They're well set up" How so? Both just back in the country, neither even with jobs, her with a clear alcohol dependence and a father (who she doesn't realise is in fact dead) trying with difficulty to recover from a stroke. PERFECT TIMING! Would have been silly having that baby over in New Zealand when you both had permanent jobs and no disabled parents.
And a warning to everyone in Carrigstown. DO NOT FALL OVER IN THAT HOUSE. This is the self same living room that Turlough died in, in that horrific table death that was totally believable.
You fall in that house, it's certain death.
PUNTASTIC ALERT- Robbie and Dan's hatred and rivalry upped a level with Robbie setting Dan up, filling his car with cocaine and calling the Guards. Unaware that Trampy Drew Carol was off helping to save the day, Robbie stopped off in The Station for a drink. When asked what he wanted, Robbie relied, with a smirk "Coke". And I shed a single tear.
Like I said, Carol came in her transit van full of shite to save the day. SUCH DRAMATIC SCENES. Dan has a car full of coke because of Robbie! Can't go to the Guards! What next!!! Burn out the car, run from the fucking explosion (I'm not even fucking joking, they Bruce Willis'ed ALL over that shit), hide out in Carol's shitty transit and Adrenaline fuck. of course!!!!!!!
During the car burning scenes adenaline junky Carol got all all lip licky and nipple twerky. Poor cunts must have needed a bucket of Ventolin all the heavy breathing they were at, even BEFORE the ride. Speaking of which, the Gardai were presumably taking the shell of the car away, and the grey transit rocking away with beside them.
Best part was no one ever explained that the Gardai would take the car away, I just presumed this. Post adrenaline fuck Dan looked out the window of the van and Carol asked was it fully burnt out, Dan replied yes and then, then we were shown this:
There actually is no need for words. They just let the world believe that the car was this burnt out. Not ABLE for Fair City. Not, able........
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