Wardrobe challenges...........

Does Yvonne ever wear anything other than black? I get she's an evil character but for fuck sake lads.

After realising Dan threw it in Carol (it being his dick and Carol being the town bike) she decided to string him along for a while, then dumped him. She now has a dastardly plan to get back at the pair of them. So far her plan is to side eye Carol with a 'Go on, tell me the truth face' Poor Carol is the MOST guilty of fuckers ever. Hair pulling, coughing, ahem'ing. I have no idea how she doesn't just burst out with 'OK I BONED HIM, ARE YEH HAPPY'

Next step in the plan is to move in with Carol. Carol should know from this that Yvonne is clearly cooking something evil. Yvonne has had 2 kids and given both away, as ya fucking do. The woman hates children. Let's not forget that one of hers is living in Carrigstown and not a fuck does she give about her welfare. Not a sidewards glance, and she fricking LOVES them. So moving in with Carol and the not-seen-in-2-years Jack is uber suspicious. Also, where the fuck is Jack? Actually forgot for a while there that she HAD a child. She must have some savage creche that takes in boarders.

Carol's feeble excuse to put Yvonne off moving in is that she has to put Jack first. Who? Oh yeah, Jack....... This said with a fag hanging out her mouth. Mother on Carol! Next week she contemplates the importance of Montessori while shootin heroin.

Bella is an interfering old shite. Subtle as a brick asking Yvonne questions about Dan, basically telling her your not going to do much better. Yvonne let him know that Dan did the dirt on her. And his response? He didn't seem the type. Not seen him at your Adulterers Anonymous meetings Bella?

Jane loves getting random money all over the place. Her well dead husband was pure rich and she's just getting the money now. Last week all up in a heap over the money Paul screwed her out of. This week waiting on a windfall.

Getting done over by Paul and an unsuspecting Dermotschhh has let her to make Dermotschhh her newest nemisis. The plaited barmaid has remarkable pull in the accounting world. Dermot's business is fucked. Dermotshhh has a plan tough - he is using Callum as a double agent to change Jane's mind. Paul's disgusted, and warns Dermotschhhh and Jo that they have made a serious mistake, and that Jane will only get worse now!!!!- Dun dun duuuunnnnn. Jane is going to go mental cause Callum is being used? Except he's not really - they've already begger her not to keep up her vandetta. So she sould really be particularly surprised that they would ask someone close to her to have word? OH THOSE BASTARDS! .............. Not sure I see it.......

Doug and Alma may be the worst actors on the show. I know, that's like picking out the turd that made the smell, but I think they are. Just had to watch them having the most awkward theatre style conversation ever. Tip of the cap to Ama's WONDEROUS look around the street when Doug congratulated her on being a nurse again. They were all high inflection and ott reactions. A common trait in FC sending away people is that they can do whatever the fuck they want with them once they return i.e. change the actor to someone completely different, or in this case create a sexual tension/budding romance never mentioned before. Can't wait to see two of the most insignificant actors in the soap awkwardly act out a romance. And honestly WHY is Ama still there? She hasn't had a storyline in about a year!

Delores is walking her boyfriend into an affair with ex wife Morbeg Crowley. She's begging Pete to spend time with Morbeg Crowley. Cop ON will ya! Does Delores not know her life is shitty and nothing goes well?

Maybe she should have suggested a comedy gig? NOT ROBERT PLANT YOU CUNT

Doug finally decides that his estranged mother Morbeg Crowley (I'm really pushing that as a nickname, I know) deserves a second chance. Their first meeting went well, and Delores offers her apartment to them to have the lols n bants. What could possibly ruin this reunion? Morbeg Crowley bringing up some particularly tough part of the past? Morbeg Crowley acting like a mother when Doug is an independent man who don't need no Mam? Nope, Robert Plant tickets. Morbeg Crowley ( Ok, ok I'll stop.......) offers to bring him to the concert which is genuinely happening in Dublin - and Doug takes it BAAAD. Again, not fully sure I follow the anger in this

And in hilarious news, Cass is getting Charlie into couch surfing. Pensioners, taking in hippies who can't be fucked paying for as much as a hostel. Fucking couch surfing. Then makes him feel lousy for not doing it. Cass, ya brown pleather coat wearing gobshite.

 Brown

 Pleather

 Wearing

Gobshite........

Carrie on retardless

Pete and Delores are getting all happy and romantic. All talk of weddings and honeymoons in Paris. Too happy for Delores............ Remember, this is the woman with 2 dead daughters, a dead husband, an infertile son and has recently had to go back to work as her gobshite son lost all her money, life does not go well for Mrs I-bite-my-fist-when-worried/aroused.

AND.........

Pete's ex wife is oh so suspiciously back. Played by the one and only Carrie Crowley. Still the sexiest of the Morbegs. And where was she for the last 20 or whatever years? Only off being homeless, doing sordid things, losing her memory for a few years - living the life of Riley apparently. And the best part? All this took place up the road from her husband and kids. If only FC did montages - scenes of Pete changing nappies and dragging shopping bags and all that kinda shite mixed in with scenes of Carrie doing coke off a Morbegs tits and fellating Bosco (Bosco WAS a boy boys n girls!) Then her and and Zig and Zag doing a naked conga line behind Pete as he changes a tire in the rain.

Pete's exwife, Carrie Crowley. She looked different in the 90's

Paul is back to being the ultimate villain. For a while the OTT villain used to be Bob, but he got reduced to kindly restaurant owner. Niamh got what she wanted, i.e. Michael so he's having a go at Jane. AT her not ON her - he's just trying to get money outta her, not fanny. Using Dermot, in one of the most frustratingly stupid set ups. He pretended to sell her a house and then yawwwwnn......... I'm so fucking BORED. Dermot is in the middle, being threatened and blackmailed by Paul and Jane separately. Enter Dermots adoptochild trying to warn Jane off Dermot. Paul's already got a pile of money, he's just being a cunt now. Which I suppose is what a villain does. But does he HAVE to fucking growl. Listen to him - he is so into his own bullshit that he spits out his angriest lines as a growl. People in real life are forever like that. I hear Mountjoy sounds like a fucking zoo..........

In real life Paul is a successful entrepreneur. He makes giant ref's whistles that double as dildos - for the ref who doesn't have time for TWO separate products

Remember Yvonne? She found out her boyfriend cheated on her, so instead of confronting him, dumping him, or even talking to him, she just pissed off for a while. Dan hasn't heard from his girlfriend in weeks and isn't properly suspicious yet. Eventually get's a 'Everything is fine' text. No smilies, no nathing. HOW does he not know from this?! Fuck sake, read a Shemazing article Dan - never EVER think shit's ok when a woman says I'm fine. It's a rule or something. That OR the fact she pissed off randomly and hasn't rang you since. One of them is a sign.........

Oh Kerri-Fucking-Anne. Why is she still here? Her and Mondo I suppose are getting back together? Cause that's her function, being Mondo's girlfriend and having pigtails. And creaming the beaver over nail polish. Meanwhile Mondo is morphing into Decco, or Decco is morphing into Mondo. They're slowly turning into the same person..................