Crazy bitch goes CRAZY

Lucy finally went bat shit this eve - little did ya know that lying about having a dead child would be the tip of the iceberg.

K, for my bitches away from home, the actual story:
Picture sexy mac swaddled Dolores coming come, walking in the door or her apartment to find demented Lucy had done a bit of redecoration. These home improvements included a big red heart, presumably drawn in lipstick or marker and not her own excrement. In it pictures were of Dorores and her 3 dead family members mingled in with pictures of Lucy, and the words Lucy Molloy, dead and Mum written all over the place. Lucy then goes on to keep referring to Dolores as Mum. She then gave us, well, fuck all insight to the rest of the back story:
Her mother was leaving her father, so she killed her mother in a car crash. She screamed for 3 hours and was sent to a loony bin. She came out of the loony bin and bucked Harry. She fell in love with Harry and he killed himself. She then became obsessed with Dolores, and to get closer to her started ridin Dolores' son and making sure Dolores had no one else in her life other than her.
Then it was all crazy shenanigan's. She showed Dolores a scrap book that creeped the fuck out of me - full of pictures of her and Dolores, loads of them with Dolores' face scribbled out, and one of Dolores asleep. I was creeped out, entertained really. Then I realised that in some of the pics she was wearing the same jumper she was wearing at that moment and I realised I was watchin Fair City..............
Oh and fuck you RTE with your deceptive photos! It looked like Lucy was properly going to go after Dolores with a pair of knitting needles but it wasn't NEARLY a fucking dramatic as that - the bastards.

An older pic of the crazy cunt - but fitting none the less

And through all this poor gobshite Wayne is still in love with her. The desperate arsehole.

That seems to be the end of Lucy for the minute - no doubt she'll be back.

The rest of the storylines have basically halted for the moment - same shit different day. Everyday is the same. I think they thought "Hey! We're onto something here let's keep writing about Lucy" - "What about the others?" "Arra fuck them, no one will notice! Well I did ye cocks - stop fucking about and write a bit!

EVERY fucking day this shit happens
#Louis and Ingrid flirt and ride. Ingrid and Carol row. Louis and Bob row. Bob and Renee revisit old times. Renee talks about wines and gets her crepe'ey rack out. Louis looks like Justin Beiber.
The only change there is that Carol's hair get's slightly more crazy every day
#Meave gets pissed off with Dermotsch being a boring fuck, and Dermot acts the boring fuck. Sometime soon I guess they are going to have a boring fuck
#Orla babysits for Dermotsch and wears a green coat
#Neasa talks about getting new acts for the station but decides on nothing


There is a new storyline coming up which I expect involves a FC favourite - badly acted and scripted gangland storylines!!! YAY. They're bring floppy fucker Eddie into it this time, not just the Bishop family. Floppy fucker annoys my gee........

INTERVENTION

Lucy is great. I mean REALLY great. After agreeing to arrange a meeting with her (non-existant) daughter - she kept Dolores and Wayne waiting an hour and a half, looking at each other in the kitchen.
How did she get herself outta that one?
Well, by pretending her phone was on silent, then picking it up and acting out a phone call which cumulated with a dead daughter. Yup, dead in a car crash. This was then followed by a load of shite about oh boo hoo dead daughter, must go to the funeral alone shite. Bitch is epically crazy.......

Wayne is a serious bell end. WHO in their right mind would want to continue in a relationship in which the girl is obsessed with their mother, has boned their father and who lies constantly - even about dead kids? Wayne, clearly. He is either seriously desperate for a partner or that girl's vagina is paved in gold and studded in diamonds.


They had a great intervention today. First, Irish people don't fucking do interventions. Second, if you ARE gonna America it up - surely this particular style would be frowned upon? Aren't interventions meant to be about caring and helping, as opposed to screaming at the basket case? Followed by the 3 people she hates most in the world sloping out into the living room and shouting at her some more? Mental heath, just a bitta craic lads.

My highlight was Lucy saying to Dolores: "I swear on your dead children that I slept with Harry and I had his child" Things escalated quickly there.......

Was also pretty funny that Dolores and Pete were shocked that she lied about her mother being dead. They were actually shocked - after the rape allegations, physically beating herself up to accuse Pete, the dead daughter, they still managed to be shocked!


Dermotsch and Meave. Well, good look with that one Meave. Not if his cock had the alcohol content of tequila and tasted of chocolate would I go there, but each to their own. Roll on inevitable incompatibility due to their different personalities, Ben taking their relationship bad and the return of Jo.......

Carols crazy hair - Da FUK? Run a brush through that shit. Also - you might want to throw a glance over to your fiance who is now regularly swinging it up Ingrid. (His cock that is......)


I think someone with a filthy mind may have infiltrated the Fair City script writers, brilliant one liners, and hilarious moments from this evening:

• "You're supposed to taste it not guzzle it" Renee pretending she was talking about wine to Orla. Bitch please - cock talk.

• Crazy happy drunk druggy having a glass of blood. A blink and you'll miss it kind of moment - but it looks like some drunk demented college student got a job as an extra. His job was to pick up 2 glasses from the counter at the hungry pig (glasses of blood, hopefully not real - a Halloween special in the Hungry Pig) and fucker could NOT have been happier about it, was like watchin a retard have an orgasm, on Christmas morning after winning the lotto - next time easy up on the yolks buddy. Then again, I think I would find it difficult to contain myself either........

• "I'm just here to have my blood sucked" Meave, on her reasons for being in Dermotcsh's house. Considering the reason the WAS there was to get the shift and the ride, dirty dirty writers!

• "Fill me up!!!" Renee to Bob - I mean, there are no words.........

PREVIEW:

Knitting needles, attacking Dolores with knitting needles. Of course. Love Dolores here - don't bother your hole moving. Just put your hands to your face. That'll save ya. and for the love of FUCK - TAKE. OFF. THE. FUCKING. COAT. You're in your own house ya dopey cunt.........

Amazing...........

Lucy, crazy, crazy Lucy

I'm not gonna lie - I fucking LOVE the Lucy storyline. Absolutely fucking love it.

The plot - Lucy turns up in Carrigstown about a year ago at this stage, if not more, with tales of how she can now see thanks to getting poor little dead Jessica's eyeballz. She proceeds to kinda con Delores out of money. But then comes back to pay her back. Eventually.

She returns only to want to bone Damian. When her and Damian didn't work out she eventually gave into Wayne's desperate begging for the ride.

In the meantime bitch gets crazy in love with Delores. In the freakiest way - completely obsessed with her. At one stage calls her mam. She then does her utmost to get rid of anyone who might pose a threat to her and Delores. Pete and Laura mainly. Highlights of her most recent crazy:

•  found out as having carnal knowledge of Harry Molloy. And yet Wayne still wants to buck her. Nice, nice and SEXY. At least Delores realised she was a lying wank at this stage. She'll be lubing herself up for Pete again soon I suspect

THE PHOTO
This is meant to be a picture of 2 people in the middle of a lusty affair. Fuck - that's hot. Should probably censor that shit. And as my friends pointed out - who the fuck took the pic? And WHY are they posing like that? "Hey, random stranger! Please take a pic of me and my sexy middle aged lover? THANKS - Oh WAIT, let us pose first :)" Excellent! Great pic of us looking like we're about to slit our wrists." 
There is also the possibility that this is a picture of her giving him a wank - look at it again......... 

• Tells everyone that she had a child with Harry. A child that she had to give away. Called Deirdre Moran or something. In my head Deirdre, had she been real, would have looked like Quagmire! 
• Tells everyone that lesbian social worker Emily raped her. Cause she is so credible one more won't hurt. 

And through all this Wayne is still with her. Wayne, this woman rode your auld lad. Like, she actually sat on his dick, maybe played with his balls a bit - I don't know, I wasn't there - but she did ride him. You sick, sick, sick ginger freak.

And I have read the spoilers - shit goes DOWN next week. If the pics are anything to go by, knitting needles would be MY weapon of choice too ya crazy, mad cunt.

AND DELORES FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK WILL YA TAKE OFF THE MAC. It's like the bitch is fucking attached to that coat! At least fucking wash it ya filthy whore.

Lucy is kind of taking over everything but ELSEWHERE:

AFFAIRS OF THE GENITAL KIND:

Judith and her brother in law, Blackie Connors, will they, won't they? I think this is meant to be a will they won't they have an affair kinda storyline BUT it might be a will they won't they have a staring contest storyline instead. I swear these too live by the 'if you can't act just make your eyes a bulgy as fuck' school of acting.

Shocker of the century - Dermotsch is gonna bone Ben's teacher. They are REALLY playing up the whole free spirit thing with this beure. All about her being sporadic, crazy and free. Think she's meant to be bring Dermotsch out of his shell, but if I have to watch either of them dance their way in or out of a scene.........

And Louis is having an affair with his over bronzed ex wife. Again - another shocker. His hair really makes me laugh. I'd say he spends more time blowdrying that mess. His eyes creep me out too. And his nose. He looks like Justin Beiber after a few too many hard living years. 

LAURA'S LESBIANISM

Ah Laura, ya big lesian. I don't mean this in a homophobic way - I mean it in a for fuck sake Fair City can you not just let her be a lesbian (i.e. fancy and ride girls) and not make her ACT lesbian ALL.THE.TIME. 

HEY - LESBIAN HERE!WATCH HER ACT LIKE A LESBIAN. WE ARE SO DOWN WITH THE LESBIANS. YAY, NO HOMOPHOBIA HERE!!! GO LESBIANS!

FLOPPY FUCKER EDDIE

Who is this day and age has curtains? THIS BASTARDO:

Floppy fucker Eddie describing the first time he played with Leo's balls to an enthralled, and aroused, Decco

End of the week in FC

The best actor on Fair City is: RUTH! I hate one Brennan child and adore the other (Again, fuck you Rachel ya gimpy Billy Barry whore) Little Ruth, being 2, can't actually act (wait, I'm talking about Fair City....) What she does is fuck about and annoy the actors. A drama which is already clutching at straws should not have employed such an hilarious child. Examples of Ruth:
Sitting on Cass's knee and SHOVELLING tayto in her mouth. Cass tries to move it away from her n the little bitch starts roaring for her mother
Constant ad libbing - some of this is kinda cute, people leave and she'll say bye to them etc, other times it's hilarious 0 during one scene she was impatiently jumping on Niamh's knees pointing and shoulting 'I want that' The actors are really being challanged, not only have they to 'act' but they constantly have entertain her too - loving your style!

So Keet, Finn and Keet's big head mole are gone travelling. For some reason Keet and Keet's mole weren't going to go, as both Keet and Keet's massive head mole considered themselves too old for travelling. Even though Keet AND Keet's mole were of a perfectly acceptable age to fuck off to Italy fixing cars a couple months ago? Anyway, as is the Fair City way, the decision for Keet and his mole to fuck off was decided at roughly 2pm and they were gone by 6pm. Cause that's just how people live their lives.

And then there is this whole Finn and Neasa thing. Again, typical of FC - they build up a storyline for MONTHS only for it to deflate as fast as a lad thinking of getting orally stimulated by Bela as Bob watched and fapped. The will they won't they crap finished with a bit of banging and him insisting that he must frig off travelling with Keet's mole, and Keet. Ultimate hump n dump? SUCH a soppy goodbye outta them too. 'This has been the best week of my life!!!!' Poor dead Turlough is doing wheelies in his wheelchair accessible grave over that one Neasa!!!!

Also, Keet has CLEARLY been hitting the sunbed - I think he may be trying to kill Keet's mole.........

I now know way too much about Wayne's sex life and penis and sperm. More than I ever wished to know, which in fairness, was nothing. Loopy, rubber lips Lucy has dealt what she presumed was her trump card (or 'bump card', if you will, dum dum TISH.........., christ that was hideous.......) and decided to play on the whole 'I'm PREGGO ACCEPT ME INTO YOUR FAMILY' thing. Only problem being that floppy haired Wayne is shooting out some floppy sperm, and can't have kids

How did Wayne find this out? Well, he was tested. Why was he tested? Had be been trying for kids with a previous partner? That would be a reasonable answer, especially if the one asking this question was your mother. But alas, Wayne's answer was 'You get tested if your trying to sell your sperm' Excellent, Wayne was trying to sell his sperm. What kind of disgusting, horrific abomination is that. There could have been, hypothetically, some poor unsuspecting woman out there squeezing Wayne Molloy Jnr out her beef curtains. Nice. Although, come to think about it, this would have been Harry Molloy's grandchild. I cab get in on this - I imagine the child would have popped out wearing a black beany with a perfectly groomed moustache......

But surely Wayne should have lied to his mother about the spunk donor thing - the thought of him greedily counting his money in a post wank bliss is not comfortable viewing.

The best thing about Irish TV is that actors crop up that remind you of your past. Blacky Connor's is the perfect example. One time traveller, and Biddy bedder, Connor's is now playing the part of Tommy's brother. I hear Glenroe every time I see him. Especially since he has the most sinister stare in the world. When he stares I imagine the screen closing in on his scary starey eyes, and the them of Glenroe playing menacingly in the background - similar to a Jaws scenario
And the perfect compliment to his starey eyes? Judith's dopey eyes. Also, remember Upwardly mobile? She was great in that....

ROUND UP

ROUNDUP

• Dermot has lost some amount of weight. No explanation, no nothing. Just stopped being a fat bastard. Here's hoping it's for an upcoming sex scence!!!! SPEAKING of Dermot and sex scenes:

• WORST sex talk in history on TV tonight

Dermot: You're not sick after my HOT cousine? (YES, the tool pronounced it hot)
Meave: No, but I WAS kept up all last night
Dermot: There is nothing worse than a sleepless night.........(long pause)
Meave: I really (VERY emphasised that one, closed eyes and all) enjoyed myself last night
Dermot: Did you get that curry stain off your shirt? ( I'd see a doctor if I was you Dermy :o, should NEVER be brown.........)
Random foster child: You should try a Sunday Roast, they're always great (Little WHORE joining in on them, inviting herself for a spit roast, doesn't she know what the spit roast is soooooooooo last year - it's all about the Eiffel Tower these days. Just imagine that..........)

• NOBODY has ever taken an adoption as badly as poor old Finn. No adoption story has ever been so badly told either. I think the writers wrote the whole background story etc, and forgot that they never actually filmed or showed it. He went straight from shouting UBER dramatically at Moley headed Keet 'YOU'RE NOT MY BROTHER' to having met his adopted mother. Eh, HOW did you find out you were adopted? How did you go straight from Ireland to New York and find your real mother? No years of searching NOTHING? I know sometimes you find out it's a small world - but that's when you meet your neighbour abroad in Spain, NOT when you randomly meet the woman who birthed you, while on holiday. Tip of the shittily planned out cap to you again Fair City

• They are really trying to play Renee off as a real 'go getter' these days. Tit's out, arms gesturing, roots done, hangbag held like a briefcase. Looked like bone city there for her n Bob, but it turns out Bob can no longer get it up for anything other than revenge, after the nasty go he had at her in the Bistro I doubt he'll be fiddling with the buttons of her manky MANKY 80's power suits.

• THINGS TO PONDER:

Louis's hair - Justin Beiber's real father?

Ingrid's bronzer and highlighter - fuck me, they really do geunderstand glamour on FC..........

Carol LOVING saying 'wha' at the end of a sentence. Sweetheart you do NOT need to remind of us your skanger roots, the big mauldy tinker head on ya does that for us.

AND FINALLY

• I have a feeling Fair City might have gotten itself in a bit of bother........ You really CAN'T use the phrase 'fighting like tinkers' now that gyppos are oh so popular!! They'll be heaving themselves from the halting sites, reality T.V camera's in tow to get revenge on that one!  Plus, tinks are FOREVER having brawls at free wine tastings, one of their favourites - up there with scraps during high tea and a few leisurely thumps while watching the tennis..........

Travelleher's rites is humin rites, boss.

I have a LOAD of unpublished drafts - the amount of time I write something and it just sounds shite is astonishing, but what I WOULD like to do is take a part writtin draft and update it to what is happening now: (Black is the update, blue is the old shit)




When the whole husband batings were going on Susanne decided to fuck off to England (lasted all of 5 mmins) But before she did she decided to get rid of some momentos and what did this Box of memories hold?

• My first communion prayerbook) 
• Portfolio pic of Damian's Dad 

So, the Damian and Suzanne saga continues. As fucking always, Fair City like to really drag out their storylines.
After months of batings and hilariousness - the Halpins have finally broken up properly. Bitch even moved to London.
Just. Like. THAT.
Ah, I know if I was living somewhere my whole life, and owned a business there. Yup, outta the blue I'd just fuck off to London. No planning. I'd just buy the ticket in the morning, burn a few "things I was keeping for when we were old" in the afternoon, then fly out in the evening.
And as for the "things I was keeping for when we were old"
1. Surely - you just mean you were keeping important shit? Like you not ACTUALLY going to stop yourself and Damian from even looking at the shiz till yer suitably old????
2. Suzanne you're a flute
3. WHY would anyone in their right mind save their First Holy prayer book? Really. - You N Damian were meant to sit together in yer old age and pull that one out? Riiiight...
4. You're a tool
She also kept a picture of Damian's father - you know the one who killed their mother. She probably only kept it cause he was her inspiration while she was mad into the domestic violence. Also, the pic was clearly the actor's promo pic - a little trick Fair City like to pull, I mean, who would go to the expense of
Who would have thought that in the meantime Suzanne would come back (well we all knew that one) and get humped by a little armed Thalidomide fanny shit of Esthers??

No offense to poor little Christy - but I think we all knew that Crusty Crotch Carrol would feck off to penis' new one time or another. She has her eyes set on Luscious Louis, well, more her fanny than her eyes, and it is LOVE. Imeegetly, it is lurve. Starry eyed lovers, slow-motion staring over the Guinness pump, quick fiddles in  the cellar - have you ever noticed, cellars only exist on TV for illicit shenanigans???
As Christy plans the perfect wedding, the other two are bucking all over the shop. Well, the shop, the pub, the Hungry Pig. WHY can only Louis own businesses in the town??
Well, it was to be love eh. And another one which resulted in pregnancy.

I had also written a note about somebody slapping Keet on the big moley head OH how I wish I could remember!
And a GREAT pic I found on boards.ie!!!!!!!